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00:02:07,045 --> 00:02:09,805
[narrator]
A tragic and sad Wednesday,
2
00:02:09,965 --> 00:02:15,365
It was the anniversary of his passing
by the accountant Fantozzi Ugo.
3
00:02:18,445 --> 00:02:20,725
Mariangela, go and give dad a kiss.
4
00:02:27,005 --> 00:02:28,405
Hello, dad.
5
00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:34,325
Go slowly, I can't see well!
6
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Trust blindly.
7
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Here we are. It should be here.
8
00:02:41,125 --> 00:02:42,645
- Thank you!
- Please.
9
00:02:46,525 --> 00:02:47,565
Surveyor!
10
00:02:48,125 --> 00:02:51,525
- Lady!
- Thanks for remembering.
11
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:55,605
[Filini] They put it here too
in a basement, like in the office.
12
00:02:56,325 --> 00:02:58,285
Don't do that.
13
00:02:58,805 --> 00:03:01,405
These are not
than his mortal remains.
14
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He's up there
enjoying his beautiful place in paradise.
15
00:03:19,885 --> 00:03:23,805
- [man 1] We've been waiting for months!
- [man 2] Open the gates!
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00:03:23,885 --> 00:03:27,245
In reality Fantozzi was still
awaiting placement
17
00:03:27,325 --> 00:03:29,845
outside the white gates of heaven.
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The Almighty of the time
he had in fact gone unbalanced
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00:03:33,285 --> 00:03:36,045
in the rash promise
one million seats
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00:03:36,125 --> 00:03:39,045
but he had spectacularly missed
at his word.
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At a certain point, however
things changed.
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Shut up. Good!
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00:03:48,085 --> 00:03:51,965
Blessed companions,
this is no longer the entrance.
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00:03:52,045 --> 00:03:55,805
- From today, it opens on the left!
- On the left?
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U-turn!
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00:03:59,565 --> 00:04:02,645
Who said: "Backtrack"?
Look, I was first!
27
00:04:02,725 --> 00:04:05,525
- [man 1] Let's go!
- [woman] Finally in paradise!
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One moment!
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Here I am! Here...
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But... I have to go in!
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[D'Alema] Complete!
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- Complete?
- Yes.
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Eh, but you see, doctor...
Excuse me, you know...
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Me first, at the other gate,
I was actually the first!
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00:04:29,285 --> 00:04:32,765
The last will be first
and the first will be the last.
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It's always been a part
of our program.
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Ah, the Olive Tree!
In short, there was quite a turnaround!
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Forgive me, young man... er, doctor,
In the meantime, where can I settle?
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00:04:45,805 --> 00:04:48,525
We are creating new spaces
in the South of limbo.
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00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:53,325
Ah, good. In the meantime, with patience
I'm waiting here at the gate.
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00:04:53,405 --> 00:04:58,285
No, you fall under Article Eight
of our program, "L'Incicione".
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00:04:58,365 --> 00:05:01,685
It will therefore benefit
of a temporary return to Earth.
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00:05:01,765 --> 00:05:04,005
- On Earth?
- Of course!
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For a while he sees his family again,
your loved ones, aren't you happy?
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00:05:07,405 --> 00:05:11,645
Well, yes, but you see, miss...
no, I meant... surveyor,
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I'm very dead,
they gave me a funeral.
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00:05:14,725 --> 00:05:17,125
I wouldn't want, when I see myself again,
they were scared.
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00:05:17,205 --> 00:05:18,445
This is why there is oblivion.
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00:05:18,525 --> 00:05:22,605
Nobody will remember anything,
it will be as if he never died.
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Never, never died.
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00:05:24,965 --> 00:05:27,965
To go back up,
Who should I contact, Sister Angela...
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I mean…lawyer?
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Because here there is a continuous alternation.
Now there's her with the moustache...
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00:05:33,725 --> 00:05:38,045
Don't worry.
For five years, she will find us.
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- Five years?
- This is for her.
56
00:05:43,045 --> 00:05:47,325
- What is it?
- When it lights up, she will have to return.
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Okay, then I'm leaving.
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00:05:50,965 --> 00:05:54,405
Excuse me, nurse...
I meant... head nurse,
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00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:57,725
It really guarantees me oblivion, eh?
Well, goodbye.
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00:05:59,285 --> 00:06:04,285
[Russian man]
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00:06:07,605 --> 00:06:10,125
Pina! Coffee and newspapers!
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00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,005
Did you sleep well?
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00:06:12,085 --> 00:06:15,925
Huh? But there's something here...
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00:06:21,525 --> 00:06:23,685
Here's your coffee.
65
00:06:24,285 --> 00:06:27,565
But how did you dress?
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00:06:30,245 --> 00:06:32,205
- In black, Ugo.
- In black.
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Listen, I'm going shopping. All right?
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00:06:35,805 --> 00:06:36,885
All right.
69
00:06:37,445 --> 00:06:40,965
Ah, don't forget that at one
you have to go and pick up Ughina from school.
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00:06:41,045 --> 00:06:44,005
Excuse me for a moment,
Don't you have parents?
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00:06:44,085 --> 00:06:47,205
- Why do I have to go there?
- I'm travelling, Ugo.
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I'm going to watch the African Cup of Nations final
and they left the little girl with us.
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Don't you remember?
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00:06:57,045 --> 00:06:59,245
Yes, I remember that.
75
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But... what is it?
76
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Sorry... It's like I'm dead.
77
00:07:31,605 --> 00:07:34,405
Grandpa, you would have some bragging rights
for the drink?
78
00:07:34,485 --> 00:07:37,405
How the hell do you talk? Away, ignorant!
79
00:07:37,485 --> 00:07:40,085
Learn Italian, educate yourself!
80
00:07:40,165 --> 00:07:41,445
What an asshole!
81
00:08:10,205 --> 00:08:11,765
Where the hell...
82
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- Grandpa!
- Ah! Hate!
83
00:08:15,525 --> 00:08:19,965
Sorry, love.
So dressed up, I didn't recognize you.
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- Where were you? I've been waiting for you for half an hour.
- I hid out of shame.
85
00:08:25,485 --> 00:08:31,045
No, I don't like this speech.
Dear little one, you must never be ashamed.
86
00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:34,485
Did you understand?
You are a little girl like any other.
87
00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:37,045
Well, I mean... Keep your head down.
88
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:41,045
No! I'm not a little girl
like the others: they have a scooter.
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00:08:41,125 --> 00:08:44,325
Only an old man comes to pick me up
with a crappy car!
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00:08:44,405 --> 00:08:49,645
"An old man with a crappy car"?
Are you talking like that moron over there now?
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00:08:49,725 --> 00:08:50,605
Huh?
92
00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:52,125
Hey!
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00:08:52,205 --> 00:08:55,285
Do you smoke, too? It hurts you!
94
00:08:55,845 --> 00:08:59,285
What you call "scrausa machine"
I've had it for 20 years,
95
00:08:59,365 --> 00:09:03,005
it works great
and I intend to keep it for at least another 20.
96
00:09:09,405 --> 00:09:13,165
- It's ready on the table!
- [Fantozzi] Here I am! I sit here.
97
00:09:13,245 --> 00:09:15,925
The vermicelli! I'm terribly hungry!
98
00:09:16,965 --> 00:09:19,085
What is this stuff?
99
00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:23,045
Double cheeseburger
with chips and ketchup.
100
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:24,125
Huh?
101
00:09:24,405 --> 00:09:28,765
But I had ordered
vermicelli with tuna!
102
00:09:28,845 --> 00:09:32,045
I know, but we can't impose on Ughina
our habits.
103
00:09:32,125 --> 00:09:33,245
I'm going out!
104
00:09:33,325 --> 00:09:36,805
But how? I have prepared for you!
Eat something first.
105
00:09:36,925 --> 00:09:40,285
What do you want? Two balls! I'm going to the disco.
106
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- At this time?
- By force!
107
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I have to take three buses
and do a track piece.
108
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- But when I get the scooter, you'll see!
- No, your parents don't want it.
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00:09:51,685 --> 00:09:53,605
It's too dangerous...
110
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and we are perfectly
agree with them.
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What time are you coming back?
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[door closing]
113
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The little girl absolutely must
be back by midnight.
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00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:09,965
- I swore it to Mariangela.
- Okay, okay!
115
00:10:10,045 --> 00:10:12,845
You deprive me
of the joy of spaghetti, though!
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You who are a man, order him!
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00:10:16,845 --> 00:10:18,485
- I?
- Eh.
118
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:19,925
Go!
119
00:10:20,405 --> 00:10:21,605
The man?
120
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- Go!
- Am I being a man?
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The man, here.
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Here's the man!
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Uga, it's your grandfather talking to you!
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[loud raspberry]
125
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Remember that you have to come back
strictly no later than midnight!
126
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It's an order!
127
00:10:46,565 --> 00:10:47,925
So what did he say?
128
00:10:48,205 --> 00:10:49,445
He said...
129
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:51,765
who returns at one.
130
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Ugo!
131
00:11:05,245 --> 00:11:08,165
- Ugo, wake up.
- Coffee, newspapers, the post!
132
00:11:10,445 --> 00:11:14,525
- What the fuck are you doing? It's three in the morning!
- Uga hasn't returned yet.
133
00:11:15,405 --> 00:11:17,805
Hasn't she returned yet?
134
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:20,525
Very good! [laughs]
135
00:11:21,565 --> 00:11:23,725
Ugo, has something happened to you?
136
00:11:23,805 --> 00:11:25,485
She came out with the collar, right?
137
00:11:25,725 --> 00:11:28,765
It has a tag,
you'll see they bring it home.
138
00:11:29,805 --> 00:11:33,765
No, Ugo. I'm worried.
You must immediately go and look for her,
139
00:11:35,965 --> 00:11:37,485
At the disco?
140
00:11:43,165 --> 00:11:47,165
To get help
in that research into the world of young people
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00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:51,205
Fantozzi turned
to the only friend younger than him,
142
00:11:51,285 --> 00:11:53,885
the infamous surveyor Filini.
143
00:11:54,685 --> 00:11:58,805
[distant music]
144
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,725
- Accountant!
- Eh, what is it?
145
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:06,365
- How did he dress?
- I? How did you dress?
146
00:12:06,445 --> 00:12:09,685
I'm in a disco outfit!
147
00:12:11,205 --> 00:12:12,485
Come!
148
00:12:16,165 --> 00:12:19,085
What clothes did she give me?
149
00:12:19,165 --> 00:12:24,245
But how? I styled it when I was young
like us, like Zucchero Fornaciari!
150
00:12:24,365 --> 00:12:26,245
Do you know who he is?
151
00:12:26,325 --> 00:12:29,685
Yes, one had a cup,
he put some granulated sugar in it,
152
00:12:30,605 --> 00:12:35,445
he drank it and then put it on
in a wood-fired oven.
153
00:12:36,205 --> 00:12:39,965
Zucchero Fornaciari is a singer,
he is the idol of us young people.
154
00:12:40,045 --> 00:12:42,845
You? But is she young? In short...
155
00:12:42,925 --> 00:12:46,365
- She should be put in the oven.
- Okay, let's go.
156
00:12:46,805 --> 00:12:50,645
Look, but for us young people
won't the music be too loud?
157
00:12:50,725 --> 00:12:51,525
Uh, no!
158
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:56,565
[very loud music]
159
00:12:56,645 --> 00:13:01,845
[very loud music]
160
00:13:01,925 --> 00:13:06,005
At dawn, after a useless
search in 18 clubs,
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00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:10,525
they received news that the baboon...
the little girl was bundled up
162
00:13:10,605 --> 00:13:13,365
with a group of madmen
who jumped from a bridge
163
00:13:13,445 --> 00:13:16,205
with the elastic rope
tied at the ankles.
164
00:13:19,685 --> 00:13:23,285
- Sorry, didn't you see a little girl...
- [man] Whose turn is it?
165
00:13:23,365 --> 00:13:25,005
- [Filini] To him.
- Why me?
166
00:13:25,085 --> 00:13:26,685
Because the granddaughter is his.
167
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:32,085
And if you want some information,
you have to sneak in: play the mole!
168
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:35,205
- What's that?
- The mole!
169
00:13:35,285 --> 00:13:41,045
Let us see. No, for goodness sake,
move, quickly, jump!
170
00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:44,245
- The young man jumps!
- [Fantozzi] The young man bu...
171
00:13:44,325 --> 00:13:46,485
[Filini] What is it? On!
172
00:13:47,805 --> 00:13:50,045
[Fantozzi] The young man bu...
173
00:13:50,125 --> 00:13:51,605
"Boo boo" what?
174
00:13:51,685 --> 00:13:54,525
I try to pray, but I can't...
175
00:13:54,605 --> 00:13:57,325
Oh, mother! I can't look underneath!
176
00:13:57,405 --> 00:14:00,285
- I feel like throwing up!
- [man] How much do you weigh?
177
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:03,925
In the end I die first! Look, 94 kilos.
178
00:14:04,005 --> 00:14:07,685
Hey, you say a burden when you're young,
keep it low!
179
00:14:07,765 --> 00:14:10,405
- Miss, listen!
- Yes?
180
00:14:10,485 --> 00:14:15,005
- Janitor, I'm young: 54 kilos.
- Fifty-four.
181
00:14:15,845 --> 00:14:19,045
I said 54.
Oh God, I fucked up!
182
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:22,645
- I wouldn't want to be in my shoes!
- [Filini] Come on, for a little jump?
183
00:14:22,725 --> 00:14:24,445
[man] Ready?
184
00:14:24,525 --> 00:14:26,165
- [Fantozzi] Who?
- Her!
185
00:14:26,285 --> 00:14:28,605
Why me? I want to bargain!
186
00:14:28,685 --> 00:14:31,965
- Don't hesitate, go for it!
- Better to do it in about ten years.
187
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:35,125
[screams]
188
00:14:39,885 --> 00:14:42,445
In order to track down Uga,
189
00:14:42,525 --> 00:14:46,685
they also went with a wretched gang
of busy fools
190
00:14:46,765 --> 00:14:51,045
in the brutal throwing of the stone
from the highway overpass.
191
00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:54,085
[Filini] Forward with the stone, it's his turn!
192
00:14:54,165 --> 00:14:57,485
- [Fantozzi] Always to him?
- [Filini] Fantozzi, come on!
193
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,645
- What should I do with it?
- You throw it, right?
194
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,845
I'm scared
to damage some machine.
195
00:15:02,925 --> 00:15:05,565
What do they care? It's not his!
196
00:15:05,645 --> 00:15:09,845
Then, another thing:
give us a brutal face!
197
00:15:11,405 --> 00:15:13,845
Show us? Well, in short...
198
00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:15,085
Launch!
199
00:15:17,605 --> 00:15:19,005
Do I do it... now?
200
00:15:19,205 --> 00:15:20,205
There he is!
201
00:15:20,285 --> 00:15:22,125
Now I do it!
202
00:15:30,405 --> 00:15:31,565
[Filini] Did he catch her?
203
00:15:31,645 --> 00:15:34,245
- Full!
- Well done! [laughs]
204
00:15:35,045 --> 00:15:37,125
Juvenile track abandoned
205
00:15:37,205 --> 00:15:39,085
Fantozzi continued
His research alone,
206
00:15:39,165 --> 00:15:41,485
following more traditional paths.
207
00:15:42,685 --> 00:15:44,685
All good. Don't worry, Pina.
208
00:15:44,765 --> 00:15:48,685
He is neither in the hospital nor in the morgue
and so he's fine!
209
00:15:48,765 --> 00:15:50,485
Thank Heaven.
210
00:15:50,565 --> 00:15:53,605
But we can't stay
with hands in hand waiting for her.
211
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:56,805
Who was there?
I put an advert in the newspaper.
212
00:15:56,885 --> 00:15:58,725
So here it is...
213
00:15:59,765 --> 00:16:02,565
I wrote: "Lost female specimen,
214
00:16:02,645 --> 00:16:05,565
short hair, medium size,
responds to the name of Uga.
215
00:16:05,645 --> 00:16:09,885
Competent tip
to anyone who contributes to the discovery."
216
00:16:09,965 --> 00:16:11,965
Sorry, what newspaper is this?
217
00:16:12,045 --> 00:16:14,725
"Four Paws"
it is a specialized newspaper...
218
00:16:15,485 --> 00:16:17,685
Parents must be notified immediately.
219
00:16:17,765 --> 00:16:20,205
In Africa? Are you crazy?
220
00:16:20,285 --> 00:16:25,325
Spring! Are you stupid?
We want to throw away a lot of money
221
00:16:25,405 --> 00:16:28,405
for a stupid call
intercontinental?
222
00:16:29,045 --> 00:16:32,485
Pina, don't worry.
You will see that we will have some news soon...
223
00:16:34,965 --> 00:16:37,125
Ouch, how bad!
224
00:16:41,285 --> 00:16:45,765
A hammer blow... to the back of the head...
Oh God, that hurt!
225
00:16:46,245 --> 00:16:48,205
What is it? A coconut?
226
00:16:49,005 --> 00:16:50,925
- No!
- Things?
227
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,125
A message.
228
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:59,045
"Uga has been kidnapped. We will let you know
the conditions of payment of the ransom.
229
00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:01,565
To show you that we're not joking,
230
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:05,125
you will find a piece of Uga
in the coconut."
231
00:17:07,965 --> 00:17:09,645
Oh God... Oh, Mom...
232
00:17:10,925 --> 00:17:12,725
They cut off her tail.
233
00:17:13,285 --> 00:17:14,965
But what are you saying?
234
00:17:15,605 --> 00:17:18,205
It's her braid!
235
00:17:20,125 --> 00:17:22,645
How does it come to mind?
236
00:17:26,725 --> 00:17:31,405
Let her know,
did your niece have a boyfriend, a boyfriend?
237
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:35,205
Someone he could get away with
for a romantic getaway?
238
00:17:37,685 --> 00:17:42,525
Elopement? But have you ever seen it?
I'll show it to him!
239
00:17:43,365 --> 00:17:47,165
Here you go. According to her,
Is there anyone who can find out...
240
00:17:50,005 --> 00:17:51,925
What do you plan to do?
241
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,365
In these cases,
we adopt a standard system:
242
00:17:54,445 --> 00:17:57,165
freezing of assets,
phone under control,
243
00:17:57,245 --> 00:18:00,925
panther in front of the door
and intervention of the dog unit.
244
00:18:02,645 --> 00:18:07,045
Madam, can you give me a piece of clothing,
an object belonging to the missing person?
245
00:18:07,125 --> 00:18:09,045
Yes, certainly. Here.
246
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:31,565
Don't worry.
247
00:18:31,645 --> 00:18:34,725
Now you will see that the dog sniffs
248
00:18:34,805 --> 00:18:36,805
and takes us...
249
00:18:43,325 --> 00:18:45,685
Oh, my goodness...
250
00:18:46,445 --> 00:18:49,925
To raise awareness
public opinion on the fate of Uga
251
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:53,605
Fantozzi chained himself in front
to the Ministry of Justice,
252
00:18:53,685 --> 00:18:58,805
but he did it in tragic concomitance
with the early opening of the gates
253
00:18:58,925 --> 00:19:01,685
for the infamous Easter Monday weekend.
254
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:04,125
Here! Let's save Ughina!
255
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:10,845
In the end, he got the most authoritative
of the appeals.
256
00:19:10,965 --> 00:19:14,765
[Pope John Paul II]
Today we make a fervent appeal
257
00:19:14,845 --> 00:19:20,445
for it to be returned
to the affection of his family
258
00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:23,245
little Uga Fantocci.
259
00:19:23,325 --> 00:19:26,405
- But it's Fantozzi!
- Now is not the time!
260
00:19:26,485 --> 00:19:29,005
We make an appeal
to the kidnapping brothers:
261
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:32,285
free the babbui... er, the monkey...
262
00:19:32,365 --> 00:19:34,805
er, the little girl!
263
00:19:41,525 --> 00:19:45,325
But all the efforts
of the Fantozzi spouses seemed vain.
264
00:19:45,725 --> 00:19:48,485
Days passed without any news
265
00:19:48,565 --> 00:19:51,565
and the wait
she became more and more anxious.
266
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:57,205
Pina, there's no point in deluding yourself.
267
00:19:57,285 --> 00:20:00,085
I think the kidnappers
they won't show up again.
268
00:20:05,965 --> 00:20:07,925
Thank Heaven!
269
00:20:09,365 --> 00:20:12,165
Ouch! I went... under a tram!
270
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:15,565
Wonderful news!
They set the ransom amount!
271
00:20:16,045 --> 00:20:17,325
How wonderful?
272
00:20:17,445 --> 00:20:20,485
Three million and 650 plus VAT?
273
00:20:21,325 --> 00:20:25,085
Let me pass.
Holy shit... More VAT?
274
00:20:28,205 --> 00:20:30,365
What are you doing? You're not going to call the police!
275
00:20:31,045 --> 00:20:34,045
It's an honest figure, Ugo,
and we are able to pay it.
276
00:20:34,645 --> 00:20:35,885
He's the accountant.
277
00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:39,645
I want to ask him about VAT
Taxes can be deducted on seizures.
278
00:20:39,725 --> 00:20:43,685
Ugo! The problem is
that our bank account is frozen!
279
00:20:46,325 --> 00:20:49,885
Who cares!
We'll collect the money anyway!
280
00:20:59,645 --> 00:21:01,925
Withdraw the frozen money,
281
00:21:02,005 --> 00:21:04,325
following the instructions of the kidnappers,
282
00:21:04,405 --> 00:21:09,005
they went to drop them off at stand 23
of the trade fair.
283
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:21,085
[doorbell]
284
00:21:25,605 --> 00:21:27,765
- Good morning. Casa Fantozzi?
- Yes.
285
00:21:27,845 --> 00:21:29,565
Is this yours?
286
00:21:29,645 --> 00:21:33,685
Ughina! Grandma's treasure!
287
00:21:33,765 --> 00:21:35,365
Pretty!
288
00:21:35,445 --> 00:21:39,325
Thank you, Mr. Agent,
for bringing us our granddaughter.
289
00:21:39,525 --> 00:21:41,525
It's the dearest thing we have.
290
00:21:41,605 --> 00:21:42,885
Oh, dear, yes.
291
00:21:42,965 --> 00:21:46,325
Here you have to pay 100,000 lire
because she ran a red light,
292
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:51,645
200,000 lire for dangerous driving
and 300,000 lire because he travels without tax.
293
00:21:51,885 --> 00:21:53,845
Do you want some advice, ma'am?
294
00:21:53,925 --> 00:21:56,685
Take the scooter away from him. Good morning.
295
00:22:02,565 --> 00:22:05,085
What scooter was he talking about?
that agent?
296
00:22:06,725 --> 00:22:07,885
Uga?
297
00:22:08,445 --> 00:22:10,005
It wasn't you!
298
00:22:10,085 --> 00:22:13,245
What was I supposed to do? If it was for you,
I was still walking!
299
00:22:13,445 --> 00:22:14,965
Shame!
300
00:22:15,805 --> 00:22:18,085
You have no conscience, huh?
301
00:22:19,085 --> 00:22:22,085
You made us feel sorry for a moped
all this time!
302
00:22:22,205 --> 00:22:26,045
Not to mention that you forced grandfather
to deprive yourself of all your savings
303
00:22:26,125 --> 00:22:29,005
and to go walking, as you say!
304
00:22:30,045 --> 00:22:32,245
What... Are you going to slap her?
305
00:22:32,325 --> 00:22:36,445
There's no risk of disfiguring it anyway,
this... baboon!
306
00:22:36,525 --> 00:22:41,765
Grandpa! Don't make me beat you!
Grandma is bad! Protect me!
307
00:22:42,205 --> 00:22:46,805
Come here, my little one.
I'll protect you!
308
00:22:48,085 --> 00:22:50,725
I'm still not used to seeing her like this.
309
00:22:50,805 --> 00:22:54,005
Few stories! You come with me now!
310
00:22:54,085 --> 00:22:57,125
Where are you taking her?
311
00:22:57,605 --> 00:22:58,525
The door...
312
00:22:58,605 --> 00:23:00,325
to the kennel, hopefully.
313
00:23:00,405 --> 00:23:04,965
[phone rings]
314
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:06,965
Ready?
315
00:23:07,045 --> 00:23:08,965
- [man]Casa Fantocci?
- No, Fantozzi.
316
00:23:09,045 --> 00:23:11,245
It's the Two Wheeler dealership. Is Uga there?
317
00:23:11,325 --> 00:23:13,885
No, there isn't, but I'm the grandfather.
Can you tell me?
318
00:23:13,965 --> 00:23:16,845
- [Pina] Is this it?
- [Uga] Yes.
319
00:23:16,965 --> 00:23:19,685
Let's go. Push!
320
00:23:30,725 --> 00:23:32,925
[man]We need extremes
for the invoice
321
00:23:33,005 --> 00:23:35,685
of a red Phantom scooter
purchased by his niece
322
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:37,885
for three million and 650 plus VAT.
323
00:23:38,285 --> 00:23:40,285
Ah! Excuse me!
324
00:23:40,845 --> 00:23:43,925
[man]Hello? Puppets?
325
00:23:46,845 --> 00:23:49,485
[Fantozzi] The scooter!
326
00:23:50,165 --> 00:23:52,245
There he is! My mom...
327
00:24:07,125 --> 00:24:09,965
She burned my car
and I'll burn her scooter!
328
00:24:10,045 --> 00:24:12,365
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth!
329
00:24:12,925 --> 00:24:15,165
[Pina] No! Ugo! No!
330
00:24:15,805 --> 00:24:18,005
Ugo, no! Stop!
331
00:24:18,085 --> 00:24:20,925
We returned the scooter!
Look, there's the check!
332
00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:25,885
As? Oh, mother... The scooter...
333
00:24:30,845 --> 00:24:32,805
Oh, mom...
334
00:24:32,885 --> 00:24:36,205
But then,
I burned whose motorbike?
335
00:24:36,285 --> 00:24:39,045
You burned my scooter!
336
00:24:39,125 --> 00:24:44,085
Oh, is it yours? Well! I mean, then...
337
00:24:45,165 --> 00:24:47,685
Let's do this: I give you the check,
338
00:24:47,765 --> 00:24:50,765
see you... in 15 years
339
00:24:50,925 --> 00:24:53,685
and everything is fine.
Until we meet again! I'm leaving.
340
00:24:53,765 --> 00:24:58,085
"Goodbye" a handjob!
How do I make deliveries today?
341
00:24:58,165 --> 00:25:01,165
[radio]There's a delivery
outside the ring road. Will you take it?
342
00:25:01,445 --> 00:25:02,885
No problem!
343
00:25:02,965 --> 00:25:07,485
As? Look at that on the ring road
it's at least 42 kilometers.
344
00:25:07,565 --> 00:25:10,445
Do I give up? That's double fare!
345
00:25:10,525 --> 00:25:12,245
Give me the address!
346
00:25:12,325 --> 00:25:14,725
Go! Go!
347
00:25:17,885 --> 00:25:21,205
Like every year
Fantozzi had gone to the USL
348
00:25:21,285 --> 00:25:23,645
for the usual spring check up.
349
00:25:23,725 --> 00:25:26,405
La Pina was waiting for it
trepid to return
350
00:25:26,485 --> 00:25:29,925
worried
for certain hot flashes of her husband.
351
00:25:30,325 --> 00:25:33,405
Look here.
I'm fine, you're the usual alarmist.
352
00:25:33,485 --> 00:25:36,805
Be good...
I went to the USL doctor.
353
00:25:36,885 --> 00:25:40,125
He said mine
it's a simple problem...
354
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:43,045
climacteric, understand? Here it is.
355
00:25:43,125 --> 00:25:46,005
I got this that we can put
or in the bedroom
356
00:25:46,085 --> 00:25:50,485
or during the day we attack it here.
Did you understand?
357
00:25:51,205 --> 00:25:55,845
So they ended
all the hot flashes, happy?
358
00:25:57,005 --> 00:25:58,085
Look, Ugo...
359
00:25:58,165 --> 00:26:01,885
Maybe you confused the climacteric...
360
00:26:02,165 --> 00:26:04,165
with air conditioning.
361
00:26:04,765 --> 00:26:10,405
But then I got the wrong brand!
I'll get it changed right away, eh. Safe.
362
00:26:10,485 --> 00:26:11,685
No, look...
363
00:26:11,765 --> 00:26:16,045
The climacteric is like a physical crisis
that comes with age.
364
00:26:16,125 --> 00:26:18,285
It is synonymous with andropause.
365
00:26:19,085 --> 00:26:22,485
We women have menopause...
366
00:26:23,405 --> 00:26:27,205
and you... andropause.
367
00:26:27,285 --> 00:26:28,325
That?
368
00:26:30,125 --> 00:26:33,765
So... I went in...
369
00:26:34,165 --> 00:26:35,725
in menopause.
370
00:26:36,965 --> 00:26:42,165
Awareness of his state
he accentuated and multiplied the symptoms,
371
00:26:42,245 --> 00:26:44,125
provoking him, in order,
372
00:26:44,205 --> 00:26:47,565
hot flashes
from 3,000 degrees Fahrenheit,
373
00:26:51,565 --> 00:26:53,365
memory lapses.
374
00:26:54,565 --> 00:26:57,205
I have it here, on the tip of my tongue.
375
00:26:58,965 --> 00:27:01,005
Good morning, Mr. Fantozzi.
376
00:27:01,205 --> 00:27:03,605
Ah! Here I am!
377
00:27:04,725 --> 00:27:06,565
...and mood swings.
378
00:27:07,165 --> 00:27:10,165
Happiness here it is!
It's a glass of wine...
379
00:27:15,245 --> 00:27:19,525
Ah! Happiness is a glass of wine...
380
00:27:23,885 --> 00:27:27,285
Ah! Happiness is a glass of wine!
Here I am!
381
00:27:27,365 --> 00:27:31,765
Fantozzi saw concentrated
all the symptoms of the climacteric
382
00:27:31,965 --> 00:27:36,405
in what he considered
his former pleasure equipment.
383
00:27:41,605 --> 00:27:43,845
[tv]You have problems,
384
00:27:43,925 --> 00:27:46,285
you have big problems.
385
00:27:46,765 --> 00:27:48,525
You are depressed.
386
00:27:49,125 --> 00:27:54,125
You have difficulty with the opposite sex,
enormous difficulties.
387
00:27:54,205 --> 00:27:58,085
Do you want to exit the tunnel?
Look reality in the face.
388
00:28:01,325 --> 00:28:02,805
But... Well...
389
00:28:03,605 --> 00:28:04,965
Face...
390
00:28:05,045 --> 00:28:07,565
[tv]Call now
the number you see here...
391
00:28:07,645 --> 00:28:09,365
in culpression.
392
00:28:09,965 --> 00:28:11,885
Culimpression?
393
00:28:11,965 --> 00:28:15,805
[tv]We'll get in touch
with some hot girls
394
00:28:15,885 --> 00:28:21,525
which will turn back on
the male within you.
395
00:28:22,005 --> 00:28:26,685
That television offer seemed to Fantozzi
like an unexpected lifeline.
396
00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:29,365
He clung to it without hesitation,
397
00:28:29,445 --> 00:28:32,605
feeling protected
from the nocturnal clandestinity
398
00:28:32,965 --> 00:28:34,405
and from anonymity.
399
00:28:35,285 --> 00:28:38,685
[tv]We're just waiting for your phone call.
400
00:28:40,285 --> 00:28:42,725
[tv]Call us, please.
401
00:28:44,805 --> 00:28:47,645
- [tv]Well?
- Um, sorry, I didn't mean to.
402
00:28:47,725 --> 00:28:49,805
Zero, six, six, seven, four...
403
00:28:56,045 --> 00:28:57,925
[free line]
404
00:28:58,925 --> 00:29:02,725
[telephone]Hi, you called
the hottest line of the night
405
00:29:02,805 --> 00:29:04,685
this is just a record...
406
00:29:04,765 --> 00:29:06,565
Like a record?
407
00:29:06,645 --> 00:29:10,085
[telephone] ...but we will connect you shortly
with the women of your dreams,
408
00:29:10,205 --> 00:29:13,845
hot females, willing to do anything...
- Pina, sorry.
409
00:29:14,165 --> 00:29:17,725
...and ready to awaken
your most depraved desires.
410
00:29:17,845 --> 00:29:22,925
[telephone]You are about to start a journey
in the most refined eroticism.
411
00:29:23,965 --> 00:29:27,485
- [telephone]Are you ready?
- I'm very ready!
412
00:29:28,285 --> 00:29:32,205
[telephone]If you are under 18,
you cannot use this service.
413
00:29:32,325 --> 00:29:36,805
No, look... Even if I don't show them,
I have all the...
414
00:29:36,885 --> 00:29:39,565
Look, here it is.
415
00:29:40,325 --> 00:29:42,165
[telephone]By law,
416
00:29:42,245 --> 00:29:47,405
We remind you that this phone call
it costs 6,840 lire plus VAT per minute.
417
00:29:47,485 --> 00:29:49,445
Huh? Oh, my God...
418
00:29:49,525 --> 00:29:54,125
Then Fantozzi imposed himself
insurmountable spending limits
419
00:29:54,205 --> 00:29:56,685
and organized itself accordingly.
420
00:29:56,805 --> 00:29:58,845
All this time... impressive!
421
00:29:58,925 --> 00:30:02,965
[phone]It's still a record that speaks to you,
you need to have a few moments of patience
422
00:30:03,045 --> 00:30:05,885
and you can talk
with our magnificent girls,
423
00:30:05,965 --> 00:30:08,205
just waiting for your call.
424
00:30:08,285 --> 00:30:11,645
[telephone]Do not hang up,
you will lose the priority you have achieved.
425
00:30:11,725 --> 00:30:16,165
He had now fallen
in the infernal trap of the chat line.
426
00:30:16,245 --> 00:30:21,885
At two in the morning, he had already spent
two million and 780,000 lire plus VAT
427
00:30:21,965 --> 00:30:24,965
to talk only to a disk.
428
00:30:25,165 --> 00:30:27,805
[telephone]Here,
your wait has been rewarded:
429
00:30:27,925 --> 00:30:31,605
We willoffer you
five magnificent erotic preys
430
00:30:31,685 --> 00:30:34,725
and you will have to choose
the one that excites you the most
431
00:30:34,805 --> 00:30:38,165
by typing the corresponding number
on the keyboard.
432
00:30:39,605 --> 00:30:42,165
One: Vanda, the female bird of prey.
433
00:30:46,085 --> 00:30:48,485
Two: Ilona, the busty one.
434
00:30:52,645 --> 00:30:55,885
Three: Sùchia, insatiable water guzzler.
435
00:31:00,405 --> 00:31:03,645
Four: Mandingo, the black stallion.
436
00:31:04,885 --> 00:31:07,605
Five: Manòla, the wheelbarrow.
437
00:31:15,405 --> 00:31:18,645
[phone]Now you have ten seconds
to make your choice.
438
00:31:25,525 --> 00:31:30,045
[telephone]I know, it's hard to choose
among these five fantastic proposals.
439
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:33,085
Okay, one at random, I'll do it.
440
00:31:33,565 --> 00:31:35,205
[man on the phone]
I'm Mandingo!
441
00:31:41,925 --> 00:31:44,645
[telephone]It's always your dear record
that speaks to you.
442
00:31:44,845 --> 00:31:48,485
[phone]This time,
You have successfully completed the procedure.
443
00:31:53,845 --> 00:31:55,165
Ready!
444
00:31:55,245 --> 00:31:58,245
[telephone]You will talk to Olderìca soon,
without hair on...
445
00:31:58,325 --> 00:32:00,365
On the?
446
00:32:00,445 --> 00:32:03,805
[telephone] ...language.
Here is his cell phone number.
447
00:32:03,885 --> 00:32:06,245
Yes! Tell me!
448
00:32:06,325 --> 00:32:07,805
[telephone]Do you have a pen and paper?
449
00:32:08,765 --> 00:32:11,685
[phone]Are you ready? Be careful.
450
00:32:11,765 --> 00:32:14,405
I'm looking for it!
451
00:32:14,645 --> 00:32:16,685
[telephone]The number is top secret.
452
00:32:16,765 --> 00:32:18,205
Moment!
453
00:32:18,285 --> 00:32:20,365
[telephone]The secret number is...
454
00:32:21,285 --> 00:32:25,445
Look, I write it in blood! Ouch!
455
00:32:25,525 --> 00:32:28,005
Zero, three...
456
00:32:28,685 --> 00:32:30,245
With blood...
457
00:32:30,325 --> 00:32:32,685
This damned pen doesn't write!
458
00:32:32,805 --> 00:32:38,045
Come on... One, four, two,
six, one, four, nine.
459
00:32:40,285 --> 00:32:44,525
I speak with Orderìca,
the one who has no hair... [laughs]
460
00:32:49,125 --> 00:32:50,325
[free line]
461
00:32:50,405 --> 00:32:52,805
Free! I'm speaking live!
462
00:32:52,885 --> 00:32:56,005
I'm speaking live now! [laughs]
463
00:32:56,085 --> 00:32:58,085
I'm speaking live!
464
00:33:01,725 --> 00:33:03,885
[phone]Here I am, little pig.
465
00:33:03,965 --> 00:33:08,685
[telephone]
I'm Ulla, who entertains you live.
466
00:33:09,925 --> 00:33:12,205
[phone]What do you want to start with?
467
00:33:12,285 --> 00:33:13,725
Me?
468
00:33:14,125 --> 00:33:19,485
I would put it... I would make a structure,
I would build something that...
469
00:33:19,565 --> 00:33:21,125
- Ugo!
- Huh?
470
00:33:21,405 --> 00:33:22,525
Who is?
471
00:33:23,245 --> 00:33:25,405
Who are you calling at this hour?
472
00:33:25,485 --> 00:33:27,405
Ready? Ready!
473
00:33:27,925 --> 00:33:30,125
The line went dead.
474
00:33:30,205 --> 00:33:31,405
I lost the line.
475
00:33:31,485 --> 00:33:34,805
But holy shit! Possible?
476
00:33:34,885 --> 00:33:37,165
In the morning
you are always hibernating like a dormouse.
477
00:33:37,245 --> 00:33:40,845
- This morning, tac! Here it is.
- Are you okay, Ugo?
478
00:33:40,925 --> 00:33:42,765
I was fine.
479
00:33:42,965 --> 00:33:44,405
I was about to fuck...
480
00:33:44,485 --> 00:33:50,765
No! I was about to find out
a very interesting telephone service.
481
00:33:51,565 --> 00:33:53,165
What service is it, Ugo?
482
00:33:53,245 --> 00:33:55,285
It's a service...
483
00:33:55,365 --> 00:33:58,045
[tv]It's eight o'clock, little pigs.
484
00:33:58,125 --> 00:33:59,885
It's the Exact Time!
485
00:33:59,965 --> 00:34:03,285
There's never a fucking clock
that works in this house.
486
00:34:03,405 --> 00:34:07,005
Then I'm forced...
487
00:34:07,125 --> 00:34:12,725
to set the clock
with the Exact Time, here.
488
00:34:13,325 --> 00:34:14,645
I understand, Ugo.
489
00:34:14,725 --> 00:34:17,605
There's nothing to worry about, on the contrary!
490
00:34:17,685 --> 00:34:21,805
Her husband found it unconsciously
the solution to your problems:
491
00:34:22,125 --> 00:34:27,165
transform into the surrogate
of his instrument of pleasure... this.
492
00:34:30,125 --> 00:34:34,645
But won't it hurt him, doctor?
He was up all night.
493
00:34:34,725 --> 00:34:38,365
He'll be fine.
There is no other way out, believe me.
494
00:34:38,445 --> 00:34:40,005
In certain cases,
495
00:34:40,085 --> 00:34:43,965
depression caused by andropause
causes a descending parabola
496
00:34:44,045 --> 00:34:45,645
which can become dangerous.
497
00:34:46,445 --> 00:34:49,605
After all, he cheats on her
with a cornet.
498
00:34:51,125 --> 00:34:55,565
The best thing, lady,
is to indulge him in secret.
499
00:34:55,645 --> 00:35:00,045
[telephone]Hi, you called
the hottest line of the night.
500
00:35:00,205 --> 00:35:01,565
For the following nights,
501
00:35:01,645 --> 00:35:04,845
Fantozzi equipped himself
like a true ether professional
502
00:35:05,525 --> 00:35:09,485
but despite everything
when the first bill arrives
503
00:35:09,565 --> 00:35:13,165
he hadn't managed to do yet
just one live phone call.
504
00:35:14,365 --> 00:35:16,845
[Pina] Forty-three million?
505
00:35:19,445 --> 00:35:22,045
Forty-three million?
506
00:35:30,925 --> 00:35:33,205
What are you doing there on the ground?
Did you drop something?
507
00:35:33,285 --> 00:35:35,325
Nothing, Ugo. I just slipped.
508
00:35:36,205 --> 00:35:40,525
- What's that?
- Nothing... It's the phone bill.
509
00:35:41,245 --> 00:35:43,725
This two-month period is a bit expensive.
510
00:35:45,005 --> 00:35:46,565
I believe it!
511
00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:49,725
Always there, blah blah blah,
talking bullshit on the phone!
512
00:35:49,805 --> 00:35:51,965
Then the hundreds of thousand lire are thrown away!
513
00:35:52,045 --> 00:35:55,045
Blah blah blah! Look
I'll put the lock on your phone!
514
00:35:55,125 --> 00:35:57,165
I'll lock your phone!
515
00:35:57,445 --> 00:36:00,005
You're right, Ugo. I'll be more careful about it.
516
00:36:03,805 --> 00:36:06,005
[woman] This bill is a mystery!
517
00:36:06,085 --> 00:36:08,725
- Excuse me. Good morning.
- Good morning, tell me.
518
00:36:08,805 --> 00:36:10,925
We received this bill.
519
00:36:11,125 --> 00:36:14,645
It is true that lately,
for professional reasons,
520
00:36:14,725 --> 00:36:19,085
my husband used the phone a lot,
but it seems exaggerated to us.
521
00:36:19,485 --> 00:36:22,525
Ah, but she's the wife
of another pipparolo!
522
00:36:22,645 --> 00:36:27,405
How dare you? My husband is an accountant,
rag. Fantozzi Ugo.
523
00:36:27,485 --> 00:36:31,325
Yes, whatever. However, for the wankers,
it is counter number 13.
524
00:36:36,165 --> 00:36:39,725
- [Pina] Good morning, doctor.
- Get in line like the others, come on.
525
00:36:39,885 --> 00:36:41,605
Ah, yes. Certain.
526
00:36:44,445 --> 00:36:49,925
- [man 1] Your dermatologist's number?
- [man 2] Write: 44, 78, 55, 718.
527
00:36:59,365 --> 00:37:00,685
[bell rings]
528
00:37:00,765 --> 00:37:02,165
Oh! The bill!
529
00:37:08,525 --> 00:37:10,365
Excuse me, are you the last one?
530
00:37:10,445 --> 00:37:11,805
[grunt]
531
00:37:14,325 --> 00:37:16,005
'This bill is regular.
532
00:37:16,085 --> 00:37:19,045
The figure is high because they are all
intercontinental calls.
533
00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:23,805
Eh, these types of phone calls... [laughs]
534
00:37:25,125 --> 00:37:26,605
they go around the world:
535
00:37:26,685 --> 00:37:29,485
Guatemala, Santo Domingo,
536
00:37:29,645 --> 00:37:32,205
Australia, Lapland...
537
00:37:32,285 --> 00:37:34,445
Then it is certainly a mistake
538
00:37:34,525 --> 00:37:37,965
because my husband doesn't speak languages,
let alone the Lapp.
539
00:37:38,045 --> 00:37:39,285
Hand!
540
00:37:39,605 --> 00:37:44,765
This type of phone call goes to Lapland,
then he was immediately sent to Italy
541
00:37:44,845 --> 00:37:49,805
and here some big sluts inside their house,
with this type of cell phone,
542
00:37:49,885 --> 00:37:52,205
they entertain the puncher.
543
00:37:52,325 --> 00:37:53,525
I'm sorry, ma'am.
544
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:57,325
If you can't pay your bill,
we are forced to disconnect the phone from you.
545
00:37:57,965 --> 00:38:00,085
No, that would be a tragedy!
546
00:38:01,445 --> 00:38:04,405
The doctor said
that for my husband...
547
00:38:05,205 --> 00:38:09,405
these phone calls
they are vitally important.
548
00:38:10,085 --> 00:38:12,085
Ma'am, we need money!
549
00:38:13,245 --> 00:38:14,405
[sigh]
550
00:38:19,205 --> 00:38:22,485
These ladies earn a lot...
551
00:38:22,885 --> 00:38:25,005
what are these gentlemen entertaining?
552
00:38:25,085 --> 00:38:27,605
Nice numbers!
553
00:38:28,045 --> 00:38:32,085
Yes, my big man. You drive me crazy.
554
00:38:33,725 --> 00:38:38,445
I'm completely naked
and I want to shower with you.
555
00:38:43,205 --> 00:38:47,005
I can't resist, I can't resist!
556
00:38:47,085 --> 00:38:50,805
I want you. Yes, yes.
557
00:38:51,285 --> 00:38:55,205
More, more, yes, more.
558
00:38:55,605 --> 00:38:57,045
As?
559
00:38:57,885 --> 00:38:59,885
What does he want me to do?
560
00:39:03,045 --> 00:39:04,525
Wait a minute, eh!
561
00:39:12,325 --> 00:39:16,765
[phone]Attention, we are about to give you
the ultra secret number
562
00:39:16,845 --> 00:39:19,165
of the cell phone of a magnificent prey.
563
00:39:19,245 --> 00:39:20,605
Who? Who is?
564
00:39:20,685 --> 00:39:22,085
[telephone]Are you ready?
565
00:39:22,285 --> 00:39:24,405
Yes, I've been ready for months.
566
00:39:24,485 --> 00:39:27,805
Yes, it was beautiful for me too,
better than all the other times.
567
00:39:27,885 --> 00:39:29,245
Bye, see you Thursday.
568
00:39:29,325 --> 00:39:32,085
I can't wait
to go back to having fun with you.
569
00:39:38,645 --> 00:39:40,405
[cell phone rings]
570
00:39:40,485 --> 00:39:41,525
Ready?
571
00:39:42,725 --> 00:39:45,085
Yes, you can give me another call.
572
00:39:46,685 --> 00:39:49,405
Hi, I'm Gessica.
573
00:39:49,485 --> 00:39:53,125
I'm here to indulge
your most secret desires.
574
00:39:53,205 --> 00:39:57,085
Yes! Live! I'm speaking alive!
575
00:39:58,565 --> 00:40:00,165
Live!
576
00:40:05,485 --> 00:40:06,965
Ready?
577
00:40:07,365 --> 00:40:10,285
Jessica? Tell me how you are.
578
00:40:10,365 --> 00:40:11,725
Tell me how you are!
579
00:40:11,845 --> 00:40:15,165
I'm mulatto, I have curly hair
580
00:40:15,485 --> 00:40:18,005
and the eager mouth.
581
00:40:18,725 --> 00:40:20,925
The huge breasts...
582
00:40:21,125 --> 00:40:23,965
The ass? How do you have it?
583
00:40:24,045 --> 00:40:27,725
On mandolin.
And how are you? What is your name?
584
00:40:27,805 --> 00:40:30,005
My name is Fa... er, no.
585
00:40:30,085 --> 00:40:34,045
My name is Palomo.
586
00:40:35,805 --> 00:40:38,365
I'm... skinny,
587
00:40:41,325 --> 00:40:42,725
I'm 28 years old
588
00:40:42,805 --> 00:40:45,485
and I have a beastly body!
589
00:40:45,565 --> 00:40:49,125
But above all, they are very...
590
00:40:49,725 --> 00:40:51,285
gifted.
591
00:40:52,045 --> 00:40:55,285
I was happy to meet you, Palomo,
592
00:40:55,365 --> 00:40:58,205
but maybe it's better if we leave each other.
593
00:40:58,485 --> 00:41:01,925
This conversation is very expensive.
594
00:41:02,005 --> 00:41:04,765
Who cares! [laughs]
595
00:41:04,845 --> 00:41:08,965
I am very rich!
596
00:41:09,045 --> 00:41:11,925
Even if you are rich, Palomo,
597
00:41:12,005 --> 00:41:15,005
what need is there
to waste all this money
598
00:41:15,085 --> 00:41:16,885
with an erotic line?
599
00:41:18,045 --> 00:41:20,245
Don't have a wife?
600
00:41:20,325 --> 00:41:22,365
What? [laughs]
601
00:41:22,685 --> 00:41:23,645
Wife?
602
00:41:23,725 --> 00:41:26,365
A toilet! I live with a toilet!
603
00:41:26,565 --> 00:41:29,165
If you could see it! He has mousy hair,
604
00:41:29,245 --> 00:41:34,045
the foul breath,
a sagging wrinkled lead-colored ass,
605
00:41:34,125 --> 00:41:37,405
but above all she has two breasts
which look like two envelopes.
606
00:41:37,485 --> 00:41:40,285
No, worse! The ears of a cocker!
607
00:41:40,365 --> 00:41:42,445
Sorry, Gessica. It's not for you.
608
00:41:42,525 --> 00:41:43,965
It's for the toilet.
609
00:41:44,965 --> 00:41:48,245
Gessica, come on, let's begin.
610
00:41:48,325 --> 00:41:50,205
What do we start with?
Wheelbarrow...
611
00:41:51,205 --> 00:41:53,005
or water pump, eh?
612
00:41:53,765 --> 00:41:56,445
Sorry, but I didn't understand.
613
00:41:56,525 --> 00:41:58,325
As? I say...
614
00:41:58,405 --> 00:42:01,325
Wheelbarrow or water pump?
615
00:42:01,405 --> 00:42:05,245
Come on, Gessica. I'm excited as a mule!
616
00:42:06,165 --> 00:42:10,885
Palomo, between a man and a woman,
it's not just sex.
617
00:42:10,965 --> 00:42:15,645
It's important
also get to know each other, confide in each other...
618
00:42:15,725 --> 00:42:21,245
Getting to know each other? But what does it mean?
I'm here, already wheeled away.
619
00:42:21,325 --> 00:42:24,365
I am your mule. Come on, come on!
620
00:42:25,405 --> 00:42:28,325
Palomo,
I understand from the voice
621
00:42:28,405 --> 00:42:32,165
that you are a very sensitive man
and that you have problems,
622
00:42:32,245 --> 00:42:36,925
so why don't you tell me a little about yourself?
623
00:42:38,645 --> 00:42:41,965
In the end, Fantozzi didn't ask for anything else.
624
00:42:43,525 --> 00:42:46,565
24 hours then passed without interruption
625
00:42:46,645 --> 00:42:52,365
telling her 60 years of failures
abuse and humiliation...
626
00:42:53,645 --> 00:42:56,445
and discovered
that anonymous voice understood him
627
00:42:56,525 --> 00:42:59,605
as it had never happened to him in his life.
628
00:43:02,565 --> 00:43:03,565
Palomo,
629
00:43:04,405 --> 00:43:06,885
talking to you was wonderful.
630
00:43:06,965 --> 00:43:09,165
Gessica, I...
631
00:43:11,445 --> 00:43:13,845
I can't live without you anymore.
632
00:43:14,205 --> 00:43:17,605
I would really like to meet you.
633
00:43:17,685 --> 00:43:21,605
And when I see you in front of me,
I would look you in the eyes
634
00:43:21,685 --> 00:43:23,245
and in a low voice,
635
00:43:23,445 --> 00:43:25,965
I would tell you that I...
636
00:43:26,205 --> 00:43:30,645
Pina, what the fuck do you want here, huh?
Always a pain in the ass!
637
00:43:30,725 --> 00:43:32,725
Can't you see I'm calling?
638
00:43:32,805 --> 00:43:35,205
It's a business call.
639
00:43:35,285 --> 00:43:38,205
Go! Out, I say!
640
00:43:41,805 --> 00:43:43,285
Sorry, love.
641
00:43:43,365 --> 00:43:45,965
It was my bitch wife.
642
00:43:48,325 --> 00:43:53,285
But now I absolutely owe you
meet, I want to meet you.
643
00:43:53,365 --> 00:43:57,165
The rules of the chat line are mandatory:
we can't meet customers.
644
00:43:57,245 --> 00:44:01,005
Here, I will look for you
and I will find you everywhere.
645
00:44:01,085 --> 00:44:04,925
No! Ours is an impossible love!
646
00:44:13,685 --> 00:44:15,645
But Fantozzi did not give up
647
00:44:15,725 --> 00:44:19,445
and equipped with equipment
low-cost interception
648
00:44:19,525 --> 00:44:22,685
tried to reconstruct the route
of the telephone signal
649
00:44:22,765 --> 00:44:24,765
to get to Gessica.
650
00:44:26,405 --> 00:44:28,485
[Fantozzi] Go, go!
651
00:44:28,565 --> 00:44:30,285
Gessica, here I am!
652
00:44:30,405 --> 00:44:34,125
[sporadic beeps from interceptor]
653
00:44:34,245 --> 00:44:39,525
My goodness, it's cold here!
Turn left, go back down!
654
00:44:42,445 --> 00:44:45,845
Gessica, here I am.
I'm close now!
655
00:44:45,925 --> 00:44:48,365
[closer beeps from interceptor]
656
00:44:51,405 --> 00:44:54,125
- [man] Good morning, man. Puppets.
- Good morning. Here we are.
657
00:44:54,205 --> 00:44:57,085
- How much do I owe her?
- [taxi driver] Six million and 300,000.
658
00:44:57,165 --> 00:44:59,005
Oh well, keep the change!
659
00:44:59,085 --> 00:45:02,525
Here we are, here we are!
660
00:45:02,605 --> 00:45:04,645
[close beeps from interceptor]
661
00:45:04,725 --> 00:45:08,125
Oh yes! We are close! Here we are.
662
00:45:08,205 --> 00:45:10,965
Here we are! Yes, here it is.
663
00:45:11,045 --> 00:45:15,005
[very close beeps from the interceptor]
664
00:45:18,765 --> 00:45:22,045
But what? It's my house!
665
00:45:23,925 --> 00:45:27,765
[Pina] Yes, yes, yes, yes.
666
00:45:28,805 --> 00:45:32,645
[Pina] Yes, yes, yes, yes.
667
00:45:32,725 --> 00:45:35,045
[Pina] Yes, yes, yes.
668
00:45:37,085 --> 00:45:41,405
Yes, squeeze it all...
669
00:45:41,485 --> 00:45:43,805
your Gessica.
670
00:45:43,885 --> 00:45:44,925
As?
671
00:45:45,645 --> 00:45:47,885
Oh, wait a minute.
672
00:45:52,885 --> 00:45:58,325
"Like a scepter before me,
your huge cock..."
673
00:45:59,485 --> 00:46:04,565
It was great, I can't wait
to go back to enjoying with you. HI!
674
00:46:08,645 --> 00:46:10,885
Ready? Mr. Boss?
675
00:46:10,965 --> 00:46:14,685
Excuse me, I wanted to know
if I can take those extra shifts.
676
00:46:15,925 --> 00:46:17,805
Yes, I will try to improve.
677
00:46:18,445 --> 00:46:21,965
Please, Mr. Boss.
I have to pay my husband's debts!
678
00:46:22,965 --> 00:46:25,005
I can do it.
679
00:46:26,165 --> 00:46:27,285
Thank you.
680
00:46:28,765 --> 00:46:30,685
I can't do it.
681
00:46:31,805 --> 00:46:33,125
[door closing]
682
00:47:01,445 --> 00:47:03,245
[cell phone rings]
683
00:47:04,645 --> 00:47:05,645
Ready?
684
00:47:05,725 --> 00:47:08,325
Ready? I'm Palomo.
685
00:47:08,725 --> 00:47:09,805
Jessica,
686
00:47:10,245 --> 00:47:12,805
maybe the time has come
687
00:47:13,165 --> 00:47:16,765
to close permanently
our beautiful telephone story.
688
00:47:16,965 --> 00:47:20,765
Yes I know. It was a moment
of great happiness, I recognize it,
689
00:47:20,845 --> 00:47:24,245
but maybe the time has come
also unplug it
690
00:47:24,325 --> 00:47:26,965
because shot after shot,
I realised
691
00:47:27,045 --> 00:47:29,885
to have by my side
an extraordinary woman.
692
00:47:29,965 --> 00:47:32,245
Yes, I told you about her.
693
00:47:32,325 --> 00:47:35,085
I told you physically
leaves a little to be desired,
694
00:47:35,165 --> 00:47:37,645
who has two breasts like two envelopes,
695
00:47:37,725 --> 00:47:40,365
flaccid butts and foul breath.
696
00:47:40,685 --> 00:47:43,285
But be careful,
those aren't the things that matter.
697
00:47:43,365 --> 00:47:46,365
Many other values count
and she has them all.
698
00:47:46,485 --> 00:47:49,565
I'm sorry to have to tell you this
and having to cause yourself pain,
699
00:47:49,685 --> 00:47:52,245
but I love her very much.
700
00:47:52,325 --> 00:47:53,605
Goodbye.
701
00:48:00,445 --> 00:48:05,885
Sorry, Pina, I rang you,
but I forgot the keys there...
702
00:48:12,925 --> 00:48:15,605
Ugo, can I tell you something?
703
00:48:15,765 --> 00:48:16,885
Yes.
704
00:48:18,125 --> 00:48:20,285
I respect you very much.
705
00:48:21,005 --> 00:48:22,245
Thank you.
706
00:48:22,405 --> 00:48:29,405
[cell phone rings]
707
00:48:33,485 --> 00:48:34,605
Ready?
708
00:48:35,885 --> 00:48:38,005
Listen up, wanker!
709
00:48:38,085 --> 00:48:41,085
Look, in that place,
710
00:48:41,165 --> 00:48:43,725
put it on your sister!
711
00:48:43,805 --> 00:48:44,925
No, Ugo!
712
00:48:48,885 --> 00:48:52,245
Now how are we going to pay the bill?
713
00:48:53,365 --> 00:48:56,365
Pina, from this moment on
you will no longer have to take...
714
00:48:56,445 --> 00:48:58,645
um, you won't have to humiliate yourself anymore.
715
00:48:58,725 --> 00:49:02,405
Because at home,
at your side, there is a man!
716
00:49:03,885 --> 00:49:09,245
[cell phone rings]
717
00:49:09,685 --> 00:49:11,245
Ready? Who is at this...
718
00:49:11,525 --> 00:49:13,165
Ah, yes...
719
00:49:13,245 --> 00:49:14,685
Are you calling from Rome?
720
00:49:14,765 --> 00:49:18,805
Look, I'm your Virgil,
721
00:49:18,885 --> 00:49:22,765
I'll... take it in my backside.
722
00:49:22,845 --> 00:49:25,805
Yes. How do you want me to wear it?
723
00:49:26,165 --> 00:49:27,885
Alright. Wait, huh!
724
00:49:28,325 --> 00:49:30,685
Sorry, Pina. It's work, try to understand.
725
00:49:30,765 --> 00:49:33,085
Two more weeks and we're done.
726
00:49:33,205 --> 00:49:35,925
Yes? Alright, I'll go.
727
00:49:36,485 --> 00:49:38,405
As? No, like this?
728
00:49:38,525 --> 00:49:39,525
So...
729
00:49:39,805 --> 00:49:42,005
Okay. But like this, really?
730
00:49:46,725 --> 00:49:47,965
Do you understand, doctor?
731
00:49:48,205 --> 00:49:52,125
For me, that basically
I have always been a very beautiful woman,
732
00:49:52,845 --> 00:49:55,765
it's unbearable
recognize the first signs of the times.
733
00:49:55,845 --> 00:49:59,645
Doctor, this operation is for me
it's a matter of life and death.
734
00:49:59,965 --> 00:50:02,685
It must be done immediately
at any cost, please!
735
00:50:09,845 --> 00:50:11,005
At that time?
736
00:50:11,605 --> 00:50:13,005
The work is there.
737
00:50:14,365 --> 00:50:16,885
But today plastic surgery
can work miracles.
738
00:50:18,005 --> 00:50:20,605
So can you do this to me?
739
00:50:23,885 --> 00:50:27,245
This is the best!
It's a total renovation!
740
00:50:27,325 --> 00:50:28,525
In what sense?
741
00:50:29,445 --> 00:50:31,445
It's like a house, right?
742
00:50:32,325 --> 00:50:34,445
Consider that you are a ruin...
743
00:50:34,725 --> 00:50:38,005
that everything needs to be thrown away
and rebuilt from scratch [laughs].
744
00:50:38,765 --> 00:50:39,925
Ruin, huh?
745
00:50:40,845 --> 00:50:42,125
But how much does it cost?
746
00:50:42,685 --> 00:50:45,485
How much does it cost? Here we are traveling at 100.
747
00:50:46,045 --> 00:50:46,965
What?
748
00:50:47,525 --> 00:50:48,565
Pippi.
749
00:50:49,085 --> 00:50:50,565
Damn...
750
00:50:51,045 --> 00:50:52,805
Who has 100 million?
751
00:50:52,885 --> 00:50:54,925
Why? How much did you want to spend, excuse me?
752
00:50:55,005 --> 00:50:57,805
Well, three, four, five million!
753
00:50:57,885 --> 00:50:59,125
Five million?
754
00:50:59,205 --> 00:51:01,565
With five million
I can make her a little romance,
755
00:51:02,045 --> 00:51:03,645
a refresher here and there.
756
00:51:03,725 --> 00:51:06,325
From a certain distance,
it looks great too!
757
00:51:10,925 --> 00:51:16,165
Okay, let's have this little romance,
but I pay him in installments.
758
00:51:17,005 --> 00:51:19,965
Impossible. He asks me to break up
a professional ethic.
759
00:51:20,045 --> 00:51:23,445
We plastic surgeons,
the money, we want it all immediately.
760
00:51:23,525 --> 00:51:26,045
But I don't have them
five million all together!
761
00:51:26,125 --> 00:51:29,525
Ma'am, five million are found.
He will have a friend, a relative...
762
00:51:29,605 --> 00:51:30,805
an admirer?
763
00:51:31,765 --> 00:51:35,165
Doctor, you think
that if I had an admirer,
764
00:51:35,245 --> 00:51:37,845
Would I stay here and have this romance?
765
00:51:40,005 --> 00:51:42,045
A former admirer? Nothing?
766
00:51:46,445 --> 00:51:50,965
Red is theirs!
Filini, you better fail. Bocci!
767
00:51:51,045 --> 00:51:52,685
- Boccio?
- Bocci!
768
00:51:53,605 --> 00:51:55,805
No, wait! I'll direct it.
769
00:51:56,445 --> 00:51:57,805
Over there.
770
00:51:58,125 --> 00:51:59,805
- Bocci!
- Boccio!
771
00:51:59,925 --> 00:52:01,045
Go!
772
00:52:03,645 --> 00:52:04,925
[passerby] Ouch!
773
00:52:05,085 --> 00:52:08,205
- [man 1] It hurt him.
- [man 2] It hit him full on!
774
00:52:08,285 --> 00:52:09,885
Moment... What's happening?
775
00:52:10,445 --> 00:52:13,805
- Did I make the point?
- Well, in short, three points...
776
00:52:13,925 --> 00:52:15,725
of sutures, they are needed.
777
00:52:15,805 --> 00:52:17,365
- So I fail?
- Wait!
778
00:52:17,445 --> 00:52:21,165
Everyone go! He fails!
779
00:52:21,245 --> 00:52:24,125
[indistinct screams]
780
00:52:25,085 --> 00:52:26,165
Go!
781
00:52:26,245 --> 00:52:28,485
- Boccio?
- Bocci!
782
00:52:31,765 --> 00:52:35,005
Accountant? Accountant?
783
00:52:37,005 --> 00:52:38,845
- Puppet?
- Who is?
784
00:52:38,925 --> 00:52:42,485
Puppet?
785
00:52:42,565 --> 00:52:44,205
Miss, you see...
786
00:52:44,805 --> 00:52:47,285
I'm honestly embarrassed
787
00:52:47,965 --> 00:52:52,805
because the five million you ask me
for his aunt's kidney transplant
788
00:52:52,885 --> 00:52:54,885
I don't have them at the moment.
789
00:52:54,965 --> 00:52:58,085
Then, believe me,
I wouldn't even know where to find them.
790
00:52:58,685 --> 00:53:00,725
Come on, Little Puppet...
791
00:53:01,445 --> 00:53:02,885
Don't disappoint me.
792
00:53:03,085 --> 00:53:06,445
After everything that happened between us!
793
00:53:07,005 --> 00:53:09,205
Yes, miss, you are right.
794
00:53:09,285 --> 00:53:12,885
I recognize that for her
I had a great transport.
795
00:53:13,005 --> 00:53:14,805
- For many years.
- I know.
796
00:53:14,885 --> 00:53:18,245
Now I'm sorry to have to tell you,
797
00:53:18,685 --> 00:53:22,965
but at this moment sentimentally
I am completely satisfied.
798
00:53:23,045 --> 00:53:25,285
A miracle happened to me!
799
00:53:25,605 --> 00:53:28,365
I fell in love with my wife again.
800
00:53:28,445 --> 00:53:30,245
All the same, you men.
801
00:53:30,325 --> 00:53:31,965
Before, he drooled over me.
802
00:53:32,045 --> 00:53:35,285
Then, after that time in Cortina
he fucked me instead...
803
00:53:35,365 --> 00:53:37,245
- What did he say?
- Fucked!
804
00:53:37,325 --> 00:53:39,565
Excuse me, turn around, right?
805
00:53:39,645 --> 00:53:41,565
Now everyone there to listen?
806
00:53:43,085 --> 00:53:47,445
Sorry, but it was only once,
it was just a fleeting relationship,
807
00:53:47,525 --> 00:53:51,645
then we are no longer there...
in short, he understood... meet.
808
00:53:51,765 --> 00:53:56,085
Then honestly it was one thing
without any consequences.
809
00:53:56,165 --> 00:53:57,165
For her!
810
00:53:57,245 --> 00:53:59,365
I certainly had consequences!
811
00:54:00,645 --> 00:54:01,765
Look!
812
00:54:01,845 --> 00:54:04,125
I went blind! No!
813
00:54:04,205 --> 00:54:06,005
- Do you see this?
- Yes.
814
00:54:06,085 --> 00:54:07,365
Well, in here...
815
00:54:07,445 --> 00:54:08,965
there's his son! [cries]
816
00:54:09,045 --> 00:54:11,805
How? My son?
817
00:54:12,525 --> 00:54:13,805
Miss...
818
00:54:14,965 --> 00:54:17,525
Excuse me, but with this revelation
819
00:54:17,605 --> 00:54:19,365
she completely blew me away.
820
00:54:20,045 --> 00:54:23,765
But don't talk to me
as if I had jumped on her,
821
00:54:23,845 --> 00:54:25,805
as if I had raped her,
822
00:54:25,885 --> 00:54:28,005
shocked... shocked...
823
00:54:28,125 --> 00:54:29,565
er... unplugged.
824
00:54:29,645 --> 00:54:32,965
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Italian is a cursed language.
825
00:54:33,285 --> 00:54:37,165
In short, miss,
Let's do some math.
826
00:54:37,245 --> 00:54:39,965
If you think about it, they've at least passed...
827
00:54:40,045 --> 00:54:43,325
well, at least almost three years, eh!
828
00:54:43,605 --> 00:54:44,645
It's his fault!
829
00:54:44,725 --> 00:54:47,085
Yes, because you are slow
and there is the slow seed.
830
00:54:47,165 --> 00:54:49,525
- The slow seed?
- It takes longer!
831
00:54:49,605 --> 00:54:52,725
- Listen, please!
- Anyway, that's not the point.
832
00:54:52,805 --> 00:54:56,325
I am a civilized, emancipated woman
833
00:54:56,405 --> 00:54:58,445
and I want to take this responsibility away from her.
834
00:54:58,765 --> 00:55:01,165
All you have to do is bring five pippi
835
00:55:01,245 --> 00:55:03,965
and then he and I will disappear forever
from his life.
836
00:55:04,045 --> 00:55:05,445
Who are these "pippi"?
837
00:55:06,205 --> 00:55:08,645
Pippi... millions! Five, eh!
838
00:55:08,725 --> 00:55:10,725
Oh, okay...
839
00:55:11,045 --> 00:55:13,405
It means I'll try to find them for him.
840
00:55:13,485 --> 00:55:17,285
Then we'll meet here tomorrow,
same time, but with money in your mouth!
841
00:55:18,005 --> 00:55:18,885
In your mouth!
842
00:55:33,205 --> 00:55:36,965
Damn yours!
Where the fuck are you looking? Damn...
843
00:55:37,565 --> 00:55:39,165
I'm dressed...
844
00:55:41,325 --> 00:55:44,125
This maternity leave is on loan.
Now how do I do it?
845
00:55:44,205 --> 00:55:46,605
- Fuck you!
- Do you see this?
846
00:55:46,685 --> 00:55:48,645
- You too!
- [man] Ouch, lady?
847
00:55:51,965 --> 00:55:53,725
But what's wrong with you, Ugo?
848
00:55:53,845 --> 00:55:55,365
Not eating?
849
00:55:56,165 --> 00:55:57,525
I have problems.
850
00:55:57,605 --> 00:55:59,405
[tv]The King Father, twentieth episode.
851
00:55:59,485 --> 00:56:01,325
Uh, look!
852
00:56:01,565 --> 00:56:03,365
They make the twentieth episode
853
00:56:03,445 --> 00:56:06,605
of a historical drama
very interesting!
854
00:56:06,685 --> 00:56:08,405
Look, Ugo!
855
00:56:08,485 --> 00:56:11,525
[tv]This, oh my people,
it is blood of my blood,
856
00:56:11,645 --> 00:56:13,365
the seed of my seed,
857
00:56:13,445 --> 00:56:15,645
my only male offspring
858
00:56:15,725 --> 00:56:18,485
who will perpetuate my lineage
and my glory.
859
00:56:18,565 --> 00:56:19,405
But!
860
00:56:19,485 --> 00:56:22,645
It would be nice
have a son.
861
00:56:23,005 --> 00:56:26,285
We're too old now,
we can't have any more.
862
00:56:26,925 --> 00:56:29,085
What do you say? You can't have any more!
863
00:56:29,445 --> 00:56:30,725
I do.
864
00:56:30,805 --> 00:56:32,125
But Ugo...
865
00:56:32,205 --> 00:56:35,485
Then if this old man made it,
with that helpless face...
866
00:56:36,165 --> 00:56:38,205
Yes, but that's fiction.
867
00:56:38,285 --> 00:56:41,325
[tv] ...by my side,
for the difficult paths of life.
868
00:56:41,405 --> 00:56:43,725
[tv]Fear will be unknown to you
869
00:56:43,805 --> 00:56:46,005
and friend the courage of a lion.
870
00:56:46,085 --> 00:56:48,965
[tv] For this reason, I will now call you Riccardo
871
00:56:49,365 --> 00:56:52,365
Richard II, Lionheart!
872
00:56:56,845 --> 00:56:59,485
Ready, doctor!
I'm Miss Silvani.
873
00:56:59,565 --> 00:57:03,805
- I found the money. Get everything ready!
- [Fantozzi] Miss Silvani!
874
00:57:03,885 --> 00:57:05,325
Sorry, doctor!
875
00:57:05,405 --> 00:57:09,125
- I have to give you some good news!
- Where the fuck is he? Damn...
876
00:57:09,205 --> 00:57:11,845
Miss! Here it is!
877
00:57:11,925 --> 00:57:12,885
Listen...
878
00:57:12,965 --> 00:57:15,085
- Is he male?
- Who? The cover...
879
00:57:15,165 --> 00:57:18,325
Well, of course it's male!
Can't you see I have a pointed belly?
880
00:57:18,405 --> 00:57:20,925
Miss,
I have to tell you some great news!
881
00:57:21,005 --> 00:57:22,485
I thought a lot.
882
00:57:22,965 --> 00:57:25,205
I decided to recognize the child.
883
00:57:26,045 --> 00:57:27,045
But how?
884
00:57:27,125 --> 00:57:31,085
We agreed
that he would give me the five pippi and I...
885
00:57:31,165 --> 00:57:35,245
No! Miss, you won't have to run away anymore,
he will no longer have to hide.
886
00:57:35,445 --> 00:57:37,805
- I also thought about the name.
- Oh, yes?
887
00:57:37,885 --> 00:57:41,245
I will call him Hugh II, Lionheart.
888
00:57:41,325 --> 00:57:42,845
Are you fucking me?
889
00:57:42,925 --> 00:57:44,645
- Meaning what?
-Nothing, another name.
890
00:57:44,725 --> 00:57:47,245
The important thing is that she gives me peeps.
891
00:57:47,325 --> 00:57:51,525
No, miss. The money,
she won't even have to touch him anymore.
892
00:57:51,605 --> 00:57:54,765
I'll take care of everything,
I will treat her like a queen. Come!
893
00:57:54,845 --> 00:57:58,645
- Let's talk about it, I don't want...
- Come, I tell you! Don't make an effort!
894
00:57:58,725 --> 00:58:00,725
[loud metallic noise]
895
00:58:01,645 --> 00:58:03,685
Was it... him?
896
00:58:03,805 --> 00:58:06,005
Well yes. He has iron health!
897
00:58:06,085 --> 00:58:07,565
[metallic noises]
898
00:58:10,325 --> 00:58:13,085
But look...
I'm stuck in a dead end.
899
00:58:13,445 --> 00:58:15,725
Now how do I get money out of this?
900
00:58:38,165 --> 00:58:39,365
What is this stuff?
901
00:58:39,445 --> 00:58:42,645
Welcome, miss...
indeed, Mrs. Silvani.
902
00:58:42,725 --> 00:58:46,245
These toys are a shy homage
to my son, to my offspring,
903
00:58:46,325 --> 00:58:48,565
Hugh II, Lionheart.
904
00:58:48,645 --> 00:58:50,685
- Beautiful!
- But how...
905
00:58:50,765 --> 00:58:52,445
What a strange shape...
906
00:58:52,525 --> 00:58:53,445
Of what?
907
00:58:53,525 --> 00:58:57,525
Ma'am, can you hear your little heart?
908
00:58:58,045 --> 00:59:00,765
- My?
- No, my son's.
909
00:59:01,125 --> 00:59:04,605
- Why? Can you hear it?
- Of course you can hear it!
910
00:59:04,725 --> 00:59:07,445
- The little heart...
- Yes, let me hear it, please.
911
00:59:07,525 --> 00:59:08,965
Let me hear it!
912
00:59:09,045 --> 00:59:10,725
The little heart...
913
00:59:10,965 --> 00:59:15,485
The little heart now
we'll let daddy hear it!
914
00:59:15,925 --> 00:59:19,045
Your baby's little heart!
915
00:59:19,125 --> 00:59:22,605
- Little boy, the little heart is here!
- Where?
916
00:59:22,685 --> 00:59:25,365
Here. Listen, Little Boy!
917
00:59:25,445 --> 00:59:27,085
[ticking]
918
00:59:27,165 --> 00:59:28,365
How regular!
919
00:59:28,445 --> 00:59:29,805
It looks like a clock.
920
00:59:30,405 --> 00:59:31,765
[alarm clock]
921
00:59:32,765 --> 00:59:35,165
But how?
922
00:59:35,285 --> 00:59:37,525
Um... ready?
923
00:59:37,605 --> 00:59:39,445
No, he got the wrong number.
924
00:59:39,525 --> 00:59:41,725
They got the wrong number.
925
00:59:42,325 --> 00:59:45,405
Please, please.
Give me at least 48 hours!
926
00:59:45,485 --> 00:59:48,325
Please, 48 hours!
927
00:59:48,405 --> 00:59:50,525
He has to leave me!
928
00:59:50,605 --> 00:59:54,765
- Come on! I'm leaving for Rimini!
- As for Rimini?
929
00:59:54,845 --> 00:59:57,045
I go there for the season.
I work there in the summer.
930
00:59:57,125 --> 00:59:59,085
Keep the number of the nursing home.
931
00:59:59,165 --> 01:00:01,925
When he found the cash,
Come back, okay?
932
01:00:02,005 --> 01:00:03,525
With pippi?
933
01:00:03,685 --> 01:00:06,605
- Always the Roman girl?
- Eh, do it!
934
01:00:07,805 --> 01:00:09,045
Damn...
935
01:00:09,765 --> 01:00:13,405
Now I have to get his money too
for the trip to Rimini. Ah...
936
01:00:13,485 --> 01:00:16,165
[phone rings]
937
01:00:16,445 --> 01:00:19,885
- Ready? Who's calling...
- [telephone]I'm Miss Silvani.
938
01:00:19,965 --> 01:00:23,285
She's crazy to call me at home at this time.
My wife is here, isn't she?
939
01:00:23,365 --> 01:00:26,765
But Fantozzi,
I was forced to call her.
940
01:00:27,405 --> 01:00:30,885
Yes, I spoke to the doctor.
941
01:00:32,205 --> 01:00:37,605
There are serious problems for the child
and I would like him to come here immediately.
942
01:00:37,685 --> 01:00:38,605
Right away!
943
01:00:40,805 --> 01:00:43,285
What problems does my son have?
944
01:00:45,325 --> 01:00:46,285
Huh?
945
01:00:46,365 --> 01:00:50,405
Nothing, I just spoke... with the gynecologist
946
01:00:50,485 --> 01:00:54,245
and he prescribed it to me
to go for a while... to Rimini.
947
01:00:54,325 --> 01:00:56,405
In Rimini? Why Rimini?
948
01:00:56,485 --> 01:00:57,925
Oh, why...
949
01:00:58,005 --> 01:00:59,085
I don't know, me!
950
01:00:59,165 --> 01:01:02,565
Like why? He did some tests on me...
951
01:01:03,045 --> 01:01:06,725
and the child has a serious deficiency
of mucilage.
952
01:01:08,205 --> 01:01:10,925
I can't come to Rimini
because I have my wife.
953
01:01:11,005 --> 01:01:13,485
No, you don't have to come, you just have to unstitch!
954
01:01:13,565 --> 01:01:16,325
I've done the math.
955
01:01:16,405 --> 01:01:19,685
We need... five pippi! [laughs]
956
01:01:19,765 --> 01:01:22,085
But his is a mania!
957
01:01:22,165 --> 01:01:24,925
Plus the travel! I can't walk!
958
01:01:25,005 --> 01:01:26,005
Oh well...
959
01:01:26,445 --> 01:01:28,525
A misfortune...
960
01:01:28,645 --> 01:01:31,805
I left the house suddenly
and I didn't bring the pippi.
961
01:01:31,885 --> 01:01:36,125
It's okay! Just bring them to me in the morning
at the station: platform seven to nine.
962
01:01:36,245 --> 01:01:39,925
With the pippi!
Plus the travel! I can't go on foot.
963
01:01:40,005 --> 01:01:42,165
Madam, allow me...
964
01:01:42,405 --> 01:01:44,605
I want to hug him
before departure.
965
01:01:44,685 --> 01:01:45,645
Do it!
966
01:01:46,005 --> 01:01:47,885
Hugh II, Lionheart...
967
01:01:47,965 --> 01:01:50,445
[police siren]
968
01:01:50,525 --> 01:01:52,685
Does he have eyes? But how?
969
01:01:52,765 --> 01:01:56,565
He wails! He lacks mucilage
and it cries!
970
01:02:09,965 --> 01:02:12,285
The goofs... Here are the goofs.
971
01:02:12,365 --> 01:02:14,525
The pippi!
972
01:02:16,085 --> 01:02:18,245
Ugo, where are you going at this time?
973
01:02:18,325 --> 01:02:20,885
I... I'm nervous. I go out.
974
01:02:21,445 --> 01:02:24,365
I did really well
to tell Mariangela that I wasn't going.
975
01:02:25,645 --> 01:02:26,645
"I was going"?
976
01:02:27,725 --> 01:02:29,965
Were you going where?
977
01:02:30,525 --> 01:02:34,845
Since Bongo at the last moment
he could no longer accompany her on holiday,
978
01:02:34,925 --> 01:02:38,365
she wanted me to go to the seaside with her,
for about ten days.
979
01:02:39,045 --> 01:02:43,005
Um... And you... what did you answer him?
980
01:02:43,085 --> 01:02:45,205
Relax!
981
01:02:45,285 --> 01:02:46,525
I told her no.
982
01:02:47,085 --> 01:02:49,045
Did you say no?
983
01:02:49,125 --> 01:02:53,005
I noticed that you were a little nervous,
984
01:02:53,565 --> 01:02:56,845
so I didn't feel like leaving you alone
in your conditions.
985
01:02:56,925 --> 01:02:59,325
In my condition?
986
01:02:59,405 --> 01:03:02,325
But Pina, have you seen yourself?
987
01:03:02,405 --> 01:03:06,605
You're tired, pale,
988
01:03:06,685 --> 01:03:09,005
you suck... Yes, in short....
989
01:03:09,085 --> 01:03:12,925
You absolutely need it
of this holiday!
990
01:03:13,005 --> 01:03:17,485
It's too late now, 20 minutes left
at the departure of the train.
991
01:03:17,565 --> 01:03:19,205
Twenty minutes?
992
01:03:19,765 --> 01:03:22,565
We have plenty of time!
993
01:03:23,205 --> 01:03:28,205
Pina! We will arrive
with a monstrous advance, I tell you!
994
01:03:28,285 --> 01:03:30,005
An hour early!
995
01:03:31,925 --> 01:03:34,165
- Ugo!
- Go!
996
01:03:34,685 --> 01:03:35,805
Go!
997
01:03:37,165 --> 01:03:38,805
Let's go to the beach!
998
01:03:38,885 --> 01:03:41,085
[out of breath]
999
01:03:41,165 --> 01:03:42,685
Come on, give me a hand!
1000
01:03:43,645 --> 01:03:44,765
Fast!
1001
01:03:45,325 --> 01:03:48,405
- At the station!
- What are you doing? Ugo!
1002
01:03:48,485 --> 01:03:55,245
[continuous horn]
1003
01:03:55,325 --> 01:03:58,165
[policeman] Stop! Where you go? It's forbidden!
1004
01:03:58,285 --> 01:04:02,405
[continuous horn]
1005
01:04:12,365 --> 01:04:16,285
[policeman] Stop! Let me off!
1006
01:04:16,365 --> 01:04:19,605
Let's go, Pina! Come on, hurry!
1007
01:04:19,685 --> 01:04:22,645
Mariangela! You take!
1008
01:04:32,685 --> 01:04:34,565
Pina, where the hell are you?
1009
01:04:34,645 --> 01:04:36,925
It seems like the time
to start playing?
1010
01:04:37,005 --> 01:04:38,885
- Come out!
- Here I am!
1011
01:04:40,485 --> 01:04:41,885
Everything's ok, right?
1012
01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:44,045
Then don't write, don't call,
1013
01:04:44,125 --> 01:04:46,765
I'll show up
in fifteen years.
1014
01:04:46,885 --> 01:04:48,165
Go!
1015
01:04:48,245 --> 01:04:49,845
- Where are you going?
- Go!
1016
01:04:49,925 --> 01:04:54,005
[intercom]It's departing from platform 7
the direct Rome-Falconara Rimini.
1017
01:04:54,085 --> 01:04:59,365
[intercom]It's departing from platform 7
the direct Rome-Falconara Rimini.
1018
01:05:02,365 --> 01:05:05,285
Miss Silvani! Miss Silvani!
1019
01:05:05,405 --> 01:05:08,165
Excuse me, Miss Silvani!
1020
01:05:08,245 --> 01:05:11,325
- Did you bring me pippi?
- Much more! [laughs]
1021
01:05:12,005 --> 01:05:14,285
[Fantozzi] Permission, sorry...
1022
01:05:14,365 --> 01:05:17,725
Miss, great news!
I'm coming with her too!
1023
01:05:17,805 --> 01:05:20,005
- Damn...
- How damn?
1024
01:05:20,085 --> 01:05:23,045
- Damn you!
- Be careful, it's my little one!
1025
01:05:23,205 --> 01:05:26,845
- Is she happy?
- Oh, indeed! But his wife?
1026
01:05:26,925 --> 01:05:31,685
A stroke of luck! I made her come up
on the train that is leaving right in...
1027
01:05:33,645 --> 01:05:34,885
But I...
1028
01:05:35,885 --> 01:05:37,285
...at this moment.
1029
01:05:37,365 --> 01:05:39,085
Whoa! Excuse me!
1030
01:05:42,445 --> 01:05:44,005
Everything here is booked.
1031
01:05:44,085 --> 01:05:48,805
I'm going to get myself cleaned up,
then I'll come back and we'll look for a place together!
1032
01:05:55,445 --> 01:05:58,045
Come, miss!
Let's take it up a class!
1033
01:05:58,125 --> 01:06:00,325
Ugo II must only go in first gear!
1034
01:06:00,405 --> 01:06:03,485
Always throwing money away!
1035
01:06:03,565 --> 01:06:05,445
Come!
1036
01:06:06,725 --> 01:06:08,485
I'm coming!
1037
01:06:09,165 --> 01:06:11,845
What the hell am I making up?
1038
01:06:13,765 --> 01:06:16,885
- Miss, what are you doing? Come!
- I'm coming, I'm coming!
1039
01:06:17,205 --> 01:06:18,365
Beautiful doors!
1040
01:06:18,445 --> 01:06:19,925
Come, follow me!
1041
01:06:22,325 --> 01:06:25,965
[screams]
1042
01:06:26,565 --> 01:06:29,565
Oh God! They closed my son!
1043
01:06:29,645 --> 01:06:33,525
Please, Puppets!
Do something about it. Go call someone!
1044
01:06:34,125 --> 01:06:37,805
[screams]
1045
01:06:39,445 --> 01:06:43,125
Excuse me. I absolutely need it
to talk to your gynecologist.
1046
01:06:43,205 --> 01:06:46,885
Let me make a phone call...
One phone call!
1047
01:06:47,485 --> 01:06:49,405
Permit! Excuse me!
1048
01:06:49,725 --> 01:06:53,645
It's an excellence!
It's an emergence... an emergency!
1049
01:07:15,245 --> 01:07:18,685
Doctor, due to a series of circumstances,
1050
01:07:18,765 --> 01:07:22,645
it wouldn't be possible
that she would admit me to the clinic?
1051
01:07:22,725 --> 01:07:24,565
- How long does it take?
- It's important!
1052
01:07:24,645 --> 01:07:28,525
Officially as a woman giving birth,
then she does plastic surgery for me!
1053
01:07:28,605 --> 01:07:30,565
But fuck you!
1054
01:07:31,085 --> 01:07:34,045
Ah, you have professional secrecy, of course.
1055
01:07:38,085 --> 01:07:40,245
[Fantozzi] Um... eh...
1056
01:07:41,165 --> 01:07:42,405
The conductor?
1057
01:07:42,765 --> 01:07:47,205
Come, there's a friend of mine
[kiss] in trouble. Follow me, come!
1058
01:07:49,445 --> 01:07:51,325
Ah, she's freed herself!
1059
01:07:51,405 --> 01:07:54,805
- Hey!
- [Fantozzi] Go, it's no longer needed!
1060
01:07:54,885 --> 01:07:56,445
[Pina] This is all for us.
1061
01:07:57,165 --> 01:07:59,485
Wait for me, I'll go get my bags.
1062
01:09:09,365 --> 01:09:10,845
Hey!
1063
01:09:11,605 --> 01:09:12,885
Hey!
1064
01:09:16,245 --> 01:09:18,005
Hate!
1065
01:09:18,085 --> 01:09:21,965
Help, miss! I'm castrating myself!
Give me a hand!
1066
01:09:22,045 --> 01:09:24,365
Two balls, though!
1067
01:09:27,325 --> 01:09:31,645
- Miss, what are you doing?
- Leave it! Damn...
1068
01:09:31,725 --> 01:09:34,085
Tell me this!
1069
01:09:35,765 --> 01:09:38,485
I'll give you something more hygienic!
1070
01:09:42,365 --> 01:09:44,045
Ah!
1071
01:10:00,525 --> 01:10:02,765
Ugo!
1072
01:10:04,285 --> 01:10:05,885
What's happening, ma'am?
1073
01:10:06,285 --> 01:10:09,485
It seemed to me
to see my husband come in.
1074
01:10:10,805 --> 01:10:14,045
- But you see, no one answers.
- Step aside, please.
1075
01:10:20,525 --> 01:10:22,285
Do you see, ma'am? It's empty.
1076
01:10:25,125 --> 01:10:27,485
Sorry, I'm a little exhausted.
1077
01:10:27,565 --> 01:10:30,285
Today it seems to me
to see my husband everywhere.
1078
01:10:31,925 --> 01:10:34,925
- Thank you, Mr. train conductor.
- You're welcome.
1079
01:10:46,285 --> 01:10:48,285
Oh, good morning.
1080
01:10:49,525 --> 01:10:52,445
Congrats on the equipment.
1081
01:10:52,565 --> 01:10:54,965
Huge! One thing really...
1082
01:10:59,645 --> 01:11:03,605
- No, miss! Ouch!
- In short, give me a break!
1083
01:11:04,085 --> 01:11:05,605
No, miss.
1084
01:11:05,845 --> 01:11:11,405
Smoking can cause serious harm
the health of Hugh II.
1085
01:11:11,485 --> 01:11:13,925
What a drag with this Ugo II!
1086
01:11:14,445 --> 01:11:15,765
How much longer?
1087
01:11:15,845 --> 01:11:17,925
She's the one who does all the accounting...
1088
01:11:18,005 --> 01:11:20,285
of the sweet event.
1089
01:11:20,525 --> 01:11:22,965
No. How long until we get to Rimini?
1090
01:11:23,085 --> 01:11:25,325
Ah, wait, I'll take a look.
1091
01:11:26,285 --> 01:11:28,565
Yes, here we are.
1092
01:11:28,645 --> 01:11:30,645
Here we go, huh?
1093
01:11:30,725 --> 01:11:34,005
Phantoms! Here we are! [screams]
1094
01:11:34,085 --> 01:11:35,965
What's happening?
1095
01:11:36,045 --> 01:11:38,925
What's happening? The labor pains! [screams]
1096
01:11:39,005 --> 01:11:40,805
The labor pains?
1097
01:11:40,885 --> 01:11:42,485
Stay calm!
1098
01:11:42,565 --> 01:11:48,045
Look, until your water breaks,
there's no rush.
1099
01:11:48,125 --> 01:11:51,165
How is there no rush?
1100
01:11:52,285 --> 01:11:53,685
What happened?
1101
01:11:53,765 --> 01:11:58,525
But how? My water broke! [screams]
1102
01:12:05,365 --> 01:12:08,685
- I am the child's father!
- Little puppet, the pippi!
1103
01:12:09,085 --> 01:12:12,045
Don't worry,
I am the father of the child! I pay for everything!
1104
01:12:12,125 --> 01:12:14,725
Yes, but I'm a single mother,
not a kept woman.
1105
01:12:14,805 --> 01:12:20,845
If she pays, I'll be ashamed.
Stay incognito, tell me the pippi!
1106
01:12:20,925 --> 01:12:23,325
Go to the nursery
and wait for his son. [screams]
1107
01:12:23,685 --> 01:12:27,005
Okay, then I'll go to the nursery
1108
01:12:27,405 --> 01:12:29,285
and I await the arrival of Ugo II.
1109
01:12:41,005 --> 01:12:43,845
[baby crying]
1110
01:12:44,165 --> 01:12:47,805
Waited for the happy event
for two days and two nights,
1111
01:12:47,885 --> 01:12:50,485
pacing up and down nervously.
1112
01:12:50,565 --> 01:12:54,045
For the love of tradition,
he also started smoking.
1113
01:12:54,485 --> 01:13:00,685
After 148 kilometers and 5,000 cigarettes,
he knew that everything had gone well
1114
01:13:00,765 --> 01:13:05,045
and that the mother was in room 222.
1115
01:13:11,925 --> 01:13:14,285
[toy rattle]
1116
01:13:18,645 --> 01:13:20,525
Sorry, I got the wrong room.
1117
01:13:20,605 --> 01:13:22,685
What the fuck! Don't you knock?
1118
01:13:23,925 --> 01:13:27,085
Um... forgive me...
1119
01:13:28,045 --> 01:13:32,605
Is it you, Miss Silvani? What happened?
1120
01:13:33,165 --> 01:13:35,365
She shrank like this...
1121
01:13:36,125 --> 01:13:39,325
after... giving birth?
1122
01:13:39,405 --> 01:13:41,525
Which birth? [laughs]
1123
01:13:41,605 --> 01:13:43,525
The birth of the imagination!
1124
01:13:43,605 --> 01:13:46,965
I made up a lot of balls.
1125
01:13:47,045 --> 01:13:50,525
I needed five million
to become like this.
1126
01:13:51,045 --> 01:13:52,405
Two drops of water, right?
1127
01:13:55,285 --> 01:13:56,325
But...
1128
01:13:57,685 --> 01:14:00,245
Miss, you are so...
1129
01:14:01,285 --> 01:14:02,845
he made fun of me.
1130
01:14:02,925 --> 01:14:07,725
Ah, Fantò...
The end justifies the means, right?
1131
01:14:07,805 --> 01:14:11,285
But... where is my Ugo II?
1132
01:14:11,365 --> 01:14:12,965
He's sitting on it!
1133
01:14:21,765 --> 01:14:23,965
Miss, can I tell you something?
1134
01:14:24,045 --> 01:14:26,845
Tell me, Fantò!
1135
01:14:28,685 --> 01:14:32,845
It was money spent... very well.
1136
01:14:32,925 --> 01:14:35,085
Look, she's just like that...
1137
01:14:37,485 --> 01:14:39,845
she's really beautiful.
1138
01:14:59,165 --> 01:15:00,285
Thank you.
1139
01:15:01,485 --> 01:15:04,205
Fantozzi, excuse me.
1140
01:15:05,445 --> 01:15:06,725
Go figure.
1141
01:15:11,005 --> 01:15:14,685
Miss, excuse me.
Can I take him away with me?
1142
01:15:15,845 --> 01:15:16,645
Yes.
1143
01:15:30,685 --> 01:15:33,445
[man] Male, huh? Blessed is she.
1144
01:15:33,525 --> 01:15:36,005
I'm always very lucky.
1145
01:15:53,365 --> 01:15:55,685
Grandpa, what are you doing? Steal the pillow?
1146
01:15:58,445 --> 01:16:00,565
This is mine.
1147
01:16:12,605 --> 01:16:14,365
A rainy day in September,
1148
01:16:14,445 --> 01:16:18,045
the sensational arrest
of Duke Count Balabam,
1149
01:16:18,125 --> 01:16:20,165
president from the mega firm,
1150
01:16:20,245 --> 01:16:24,125
filled the first pages
of all the newspapers.
1151
01:16:26,325 --> 01:16:29,325
[journalist] Here at the Courthouse,
there is great anticipation
1152
01:16:29,405 --> 01:16:31,725
for the first interrogation
of the mega president
1153
01:16:31,805 --> 01:16:34,605
duke count great son of a bitch,
grand cross thief,
1154
01:16:34,685 --> 01:16:37,765
Giovanni Maria Balabam,
arrested on corruption charges.
1155
01:16:37,845 --> 01:16:41,285
A large group was also present
of former employees of the mega firm
1156
01:16:41,365 --> 01:16:45,205
from whom we ask for testimony
on this sensational trial.
1157
01:16:45,805 --> 01:16:48,565
Look, I can say
which for me and for some colleagues...
1158
01:16:49,525 --> 01:16:52,405
It's definitely the best day
of our life.
1159
01:16:52,485 --> 01:16:55,885
Because after 20 years
of abuse and harassment,
1160
01:16:55,965 --> 01:16:58,285
they finally caught him
with the sack in his hands.
1161
01:16:58,365 --> 01:17:00,285
- With our hands in the bag!
- Exact!
1162
01:17:02,125 --> 01:17:03,885
They'll make him pay!
1163
01:17:04,245 --> 01:17:08,205
Let's see it coming
the mega president in court.
1164
01:17:08,965 --> 01:17:12,805
[indistinct buzz]
1165
01:17:13,725 --> 01:17:18,245
- [Filini] Here he is, the scoundrel!
- You spit on us, Filini! You spit on us!
1166
01:17:24,725 --> 01:17:28,965
The large corporate complex
of which they are deservedly at the top
1167
01:17:29,085 --> 01:17:31,285
has more than 3,000 inferiors.
1168
01:17:31,365 --> 01:17:35,765
Who like me is at the height of the empyrean
cannot be aware
1169
01:17:35,845 --> 01:17:39,925
of everything that happens
in the various departments, pits, circles...
1170
01:17:40,165 --> 01:17:45,045
If there have been corruption phenomena,
they happened without my knowledge
1171
01:17:45,165 --> 01:17:49,165
by some subordinate
dishonest and unfaithful.
1172
01:17:49,245 --> 01:17:52,205
Now pass the blame
on some poor wretch
1173
01:17:52,285 --> 01:17:54,005
to ruin it.
1174
01:17:55,045 --> 01:17:56,285
Silence, over there!
1175
01:18:00,765 --> 01:18:02,565
These are just theorems.
1176
01:18:02,925 --> 01:18:04,845
Give us some names!
1177
01:18:04,925 --> 01:18:07,965
State who acted culpably
without his knowledge!
1178
01:18:09,445 --> 01:18:13,485
The most responsible
is present in this room.
1179
01:18:13,565 --> 01:18:15,605
- [man] What?
- [woman] How can this be?
1180
01:18:15,685 --> 01:18:17,245
[indistinct buzz]
1181
01:18:17,325 --> 01:18:19,565
His name is...
1182
01:18:21,765 --> 01:18:24,165
His name is...
1183
01:18:25,005 --> 01:18:27,005
His name is...
1184
01:18:28,685 --> 01:18:31,565
accountant Ugo Fantocci!
1185
01:18:31,645 --> 01:18:33,525
[Fantozzi] Oh, no! [falls]
1186
01:18:33,605 --> 01:18:35,565
[Filini] Permission!
1187
01:18:35,845 --> 01:18:39,165
Rag. Fantozzi, is he sleeping?
They called her!
1188
01:18:39,325 --> 01:18:41,765
Come on, stand up! Get up!
1189
01:18:42,845 --> 01:18:46,445
To avoid danger
of evidence pollution
1190
01:18:46,525 --> 01:18:51,205
Fantozzi was immediately subjected
under preventive detention regime
1191
01:18:51,285 --> 01:18:54,565
in the fifth arm, bribe-takers.
1192
01:18:54,685 --> 01:18:57,125
[man]
...when one has a clear conscience.
1193
01:18:57,205 --> 01:19:01,605
- [man 2] Eminence, still acidity?
- In the Vatican prisons the food is better.
1194
01:19:01,685 --> 01:19:05,965
He was questioned under the lamp
of the third degree for four months.
1195
01:19:06,165 --> 01:19:10,125
Then he passed the sophisticated investigations
of the lie detector.
1196
01:19:10,685 --> 01:19:12,165
- [mechanical voice] Speak.
- Ouch!
1197
01:19:12,285 --> 01:19:14,325
- [mechanical voice] Speak.
- Ouch!
1198
01:19:14,525 --> 01:19:16,405
- [mechanical voice] Speak.
- Ouch!
1199
01:19:16,485 --> 01:19:17,605
[mechanical voice] Speak!
1200
01:19:18,165 --> 01:19:21,005
He also faked it grimly
a hunger strike...
1201
01:19:40,965 --> 01:19:44,685
until it was granted to him
the longed-for provisional freedom
1202
01:19:44,765 --> 01:19:46,605
awaiting trial.
1203
01:19:47,405 --> 01:19:49,445
[man] He forgot this.
1204
01:19:57,405 --> 01:19:59,245
[Balabam] Puppets!
1205
01:20:01,045 --> 01:20:02,245
Are you coming out, Puppets?
1206
01:20:02,325 --> 01:20:04,245
I do. Instead she stays here.
1207
01:20:04,325 --> 01:20:07,285
Oh, but she'll be back very soon too.
1208
01:20:08,125 --> 01:20:09,005
Why?
1209
01:20:09,085 --> 01:20:12,805
Because very soon the judges
they will discover his accounts in Switzerland,
1210
01:20:12,885 --> 01:20:15,765
the double funds with its black accounting,
1211
01:20:15,845 --> 01:20:18,365
the ribbons
with his compromising conversations.
1212
01:20:18,445 --> 01:20:22,885
Look, Lord Duke Count,
that I know nothing about all this!
1213
01:20:22,965 --> 01:20:23,885
I swear to you.
1214
01:20:23,965 --> 01:20:27,565
Not yet, but he will have them soon. He will have them.
1215
01:20:28,605 --> 01:20:31,445
Mr. Dr. Duke Count,
I seem to understand
1216
01:20:31,525 --> 01:20:35,445
that she is already moving
to put it on me... he figured out where.
1217
01:20:35,805 --> 01:20:36,885
Puppets...
1218
01:20:37,085 --> 01:20:38,205
Fantozzi, it would be...
1219
01:20:38,285 --> 01:20:40,525
- ...we're in the same boat.
- Which boat?
1220
01:20:41,085 --> 01:20:43,685
Precisely for this reason,
I want to give her a chance.
1221
01:20:44,405 --> 01:20:46,365
Now that he's free,
1222
01:20:46,445 --> 01:20:49,925
can be obtained without difficulty
two briefcases
1223
01:20:50,005 --> 01:20:52,365
which I have prepared in a safe place.
1224
01:20:52,805 --> 01:20:55,445
It will be enough
who delivers them to the right person...
1225
01:20:56,005 --> 01:20:59,085
and this will provide
to adjust our process,
1226
01:20:59,165 --> 01:21:03,565
to give a benevolent path
to our common judicial destiny.
1227
01:21:04,805 --> 01:21:06,445
But this is corruption!
1228
01:21:07,165 --> 01:21:08,925
That's what we're here for!
1229
01:21:11,205 --> 01:21:13,965
I will never accept these practices!
1230
01:21:16,365 --> 01:21:21,405
I have great confidence
in justice and institutions!
1231
01:21:25,325 --> 01:21:26,205
Goodbye!
1232
01:21:27,445 --> 01:21:28,765
Until we meet again.
1233
01:21:30,485 --> 01:21:35,325
[recorder]I have great confidence
in justice and institutions!
1234
01:21:35,765 --> 01:21:36,965
[recorder]Goodbye!
1235
01:21:37,045 --> 01:21:39,245
- Well done, Puppets!
- Fantozzi...
1236
01:21:39,325 --> 01:21:43,365
They are men like me and like her
that keep Italy on its feet.
1237
01:21:43,885 --> 01:21:47,205
As the Prosecutor of the trial,
I ask you to cooperate
1238
01:21:47,285 --> 01:21:48,885
to unmask the corrupter.
1239
01:21:48,965 --> 01:21:50,005
I?
1240
01:21:50,645 --> 01:21:54,845
Pretend you accept
Balabam's offering and bait us.
1241
01:21:55,565 --> 01:21:57,685
As a bait, that is... I play the worm.
1242
01:21:57,765 --> 01:22:00,765
Bravo! "Worm" will be his code name.
1243
01:22:04,645 --> 01:22:07,045
In agreement with the Public Prosecutor,
1244
01:22:07,125 --> 01:22:09,885
followed the instructions
of the corruptor Balabam.
1245
01:22:10,365 --> 01:22:13,605
Fantozzi had to withdraw
suitcases with money
1246
01:22:13,685 --> 01:22:16,885
in a Liberian cargo ship
belonging to the mega company
1247
01:22:16,965 --> 01:22:22,005
and then go to the "La fajolada" restaurant
one of the most infamous in the port,
1248
01:22:22,085 --> 01:22:26,125
already monitored in secret
by the police.
1249
01:22:31,845 --> 01:22:34,245
Worm fisherman.
Did you find the briefcases?
1250
01:22:36,085 --> 01:22:37,085
Yes.
1251
01:22:37,685 --> 01:22:40,725
They are full of money,
there are many billions here.
1252
01:22:40,805 --> 01:22:43,525
[intercom]Come with your bags
to the agreed place.
1253
01:22:44,085 --> 01:22:45,565
[intercom]Worm to fisherman.
1254
01:22:45,645 --> 01:22:49,645
I'm scared, these suitcases are dangerous.
Do I always have a spare?
1255
01:22:49,845 --> 01:22:51,365
Don't worry, worm.
1256
01:22:51,445 --> 01:22:54,165
It's behind him. Do you see it?
1257
01:22:55,205 --> 01:22:56,245
Ah!
1258
01:22:57,405 --> 01:22:59,485
Hey there! I am here!
1259
01:23:00,765 --> 01:23:04,405
Hate! It got underway!
1260
01:23:06,885 --> 01:23:08,645
Oh God...
1261
01:23:09,605 --> 01:23:12,565
Thank goodness, trouble could have happened!
1262
01:23:18,645 --> 01:23:20,285
Have you located the unmarked car?
1263
01:23:20,365 --> 01:23:21,485
Um...
1264
01:23:21,965 --> 01:23:26,645
I mean... Yes, only now
instead of an unmarked car...
1265
01:23:26,965 --> 01:23:28,925
it's a sole car!
1266
01:23:29,005 --> 01:23:30,845
At the "La fajolada" restaurant
1267
01:23:30,925 --> 01:23:34,125
Fantozzi should have ordered
the house specialty
1268
01:23:34,205 --> 01:23:38,005
and wait for further instructions
for the delivery of the money.
1269
01:23:57,045 --> 01:23:59,085
Here I am. What should I do?
1270
01:24:00,245 --> 01:24:02,085
Worm to fisherman. What should I do?
1271
01:24:03,285 --> 01:24:07,005
Be casual about it,
take off your raincoat, order a beer!
1272
01:24:09,085 --> 01:24:10,445
Waiter, a beer!
1273
01:24:14,485 --> 01:24:18,405
In the end, Fantozzi managed to order
the legendary fajolada
1274
01:24:18,685 --> 01:24:23,045
terrifying Mexican soup
based on chickpeas, broad beans, beans
1275
01:24:23,125 --> 01:24:25,045
and strong plum extract,
1276
01:24:25,125 --> 01:24:31,245
seasoned with a massive dose
of castor oil and cod liver.
1277
01:24:34,485 --> 01:24:38,005
Oh, here are the instructions!
“Leave the money…Continue”?
1278
01:24:38,085 --> 01:24:39,645
How do you "continue"?
1279
01:24:40,885 --> 01:24:42,365
Another fajolada?
1280
01:24:42,645 --> 01:24:46,405
Waiter, excuse me. Can you give me... another one?
1281
01:24:47,365 --> 01:24:49,085
To know the complete text,
1282
01:24:49,165 --> 01:24:53,885
Fantozzi was forced to swallow
eight portions of that explosive mixture.
1283
01:24:53,965 --> 01:24:56,885
He finally knew his instructions.
1284
01:25:00,925 --> 01:25:02,845
"The end." Oh, mom...
1285
01:25:04,005 --> 01:25:05,565
Oh, mom...
1286
01:25:05,965 --> 01:25:09,765
The whole fajolada...
What an adventure, the fajolada!
1287
01:25:22,365 --> 01:25:23,765
How cold!
1288
01:25:27,165 --> 01:25:30,605
Oh... Ouch! I have birth-like pain!
1289
01:25:30,685 --> 01:25:31,685
What happens?
1290
01:25:32,245 --> 01:25:35,685
Nothing, maybe I'm shitting myself
very lightly on you!
1291
01:25:35,765 --> 01:25:38,405
It's not to be underestimated, it's serious!
1292
01:25:38,485 --> 01:25:41,885
Don't be a coward.
Spoil the plan!
1293
01:25:41,965 --> 01:25:44,765
[sounds of pain]
1294
01:25:44,845 --> 01:25:49,525
Please, the toilet?
Baila! Where is the toilet?
1295
01:25:51,725 --> 01:25:53,285
My vision is blurry!
1296
01:25:53,365 --> 01:25:54,605
Save!
1297
01:25:54,685 --> 01:25:56,045
No!
1298
01:25:56,965 --> 01:26:00,325
- [man] He's busy!
- Busy? Oh, mom...
1299
01:26:01,285 --> 01:26:03,205
A vision! The sombrero!
1300
01:26:05,085 --> 01:26:09,725
Oh well, that's fine. It's the first time,
but I am saved by a miracle.
1301
01:26:14,845 --> 01:26:19,045
Let's see if now
I can finally do...
1302
01:26:19,565 --> 01:26:21,085
Hey! It's my sombrero!
1303
01:26:21,165 --> 01:26:22,885
As? The sombrero?
1304
01:26:22,965 --> 01:26:25,285
I didn't do anything, eh!
1305
01:26:25,365 --> 01:26:27,845
Controls. Just nothing!
1306
01:26:27,925 --> 01:26:32,165
Then I'll explain. I'm in serious trouble,
It's a very difficult time!
1307
01:26:33,285 --> 01:26:37,925
[woman]
And now, ladies and gentlemen, Los Bambas!
1308
01:26:39,485 --> 01:26:41,565
[laughter]
1309
01:26:42,805 --> 01:26:45,165
Ouch, ouch, ouch...
1310
01:26:45,285 --> 01:26:47,485
Oh, oh, oh...
1311
01:26:51,485 --> 01:26:53,525
Ouch, ouch, ouch...
1312
01:26:54,645 --> 01:26:56,445
Ouch, ouch, ouch...
1313
01:26:58,765 --> 01:27:03,365
[Fantozzi intones the verses of pain]
1314
01:27:03,925 --> 01:27:05,565
What does he do? Do you dance?
1315
01:27:06,245 --> 01:27:08,805
It will be part of the instructions.
1316
01:27:12,045 --> 01:27:15,725
What instructions?
I'm the one giving the instructions!
1317
01:27:20,205 --> 01:27:24,325
He's crazy! He can't come out into the open.
It could be an ambush!
1318
01:27:31,405 --> 01:27:35,765
Oh, my God... I'm exploding!
I'm about to explode!
1319
01:27:35,965 --> 01:27:37,845
Oh, mother... I can't see anymore!
1320
01:27:37,965 --> 01:27:39,805
Ah, I'll do it here!
1321
01:27:39,885 --> 01:27:41,405
[sound of pain]
1322
01:27:41,485 --> 01:27:44,525
They hit him! It's an ambush!
1323
01:27:44,605 --> 01:27:47,445
[continuous farting noise]
1324
01:27:47,525 --> 01:27:50,565
The machine guns! They drill it!
1325
01:27:50,645 --> 01:27:53,925
[louder farting noise]
1326
01:27:54,005 --> 01:27:55,765
Even a hand grenade!
1327
01:27:56,845 --> 01:28:01,205
Code red!
To all men! Take action!
1328
01:28:18,205 --> 01:28:20,525
What do they want?
1329
01:28:23,725 --> 01:28:29,725
This court has the pleasure
to be acquitted with a full sentence,
1330
01:28:30,085 --> 01:28:33,725
for the past, present and future,
1331
01:28:33,845 --> 01:28:37,325
Duke Count Balabam Giovanni Maria
1332
01:28:37,445 --> 01:28:42,845
from any accusation recklessly
formulated against him.
1333
01:28:42,925 --> 01:28:46,885
And he condemns Fantocci Ugo
1334
01:28:46,965 --> 01:28:51,725
for appropriation
of two briefcases of dirty money...
1335
01:28:51,805 --> 01:28:56,565
- This is calling!
- ...to the penalty of ten years each,
1336
01:28:56,965 --> 01:29:02,605
to be discounted
in a maximum security prison.
1337
01:29:02,685 --> 01:29:05,685
- What did I tell you, Pupazzi?
- Fantozzi...
1338
01:29:05,765 --> 01:29:09,645
You have to have the utmost trust
in justice and institutions.
1339
01:29:09,725 --> 01:29:11,645
I said that, though.
1340
01:29:11,725 --> 01:29:14,645
She can always hope for grace.
1341
01:29:16,045 --> 01:29:17,965
How human are you...
1342
01:29:18,285 --> 01:29:20,805
In fact, a few years later
1343
01:29:20,885 --> 01:29:24,605
when the mega president was nominated
Minister of Justice,
1344
01:29:24,685 --> 01:29:30,005
Fantozzi entered the Balabam decree,
also called "sponge blow"
1345
01:29:30,085 --> 01:29:31,405
and he was released from prison
1346
01:29:31,485 --> 01:29:35,325
in conjunction with the final
of the football world championship.
1347
01:29:35,405 --> 01:29:36,645
Permission!
1348
01:29:39,085 --> 01:29:41,685
Ugo!
1349
01:29:42,405 --> 01:29:43,445
Ugo?
1350
01:29:44,725 --> 01:29:45,645
Pina!
1351
01:29:45,725 --> 01:29:49,005
Come on, Pina! The game is on! Run!
1352
01:29:49,085 --> 01:29:51,845
Ugo! You don't have the keys!
1353
01:29:51,925 --> 01:29:53,725
[Fantozzi] Let's go!
1354
01:29:53,805 --> 01:29:56,245
Ugo! You don't have the keys!
1355
01:29:56,325 --> 01:29:58,565
[tv]Dear viewers,
good afternoon.
1356
01:29:58,645 --> 01:30:02,445
[tv]They face each other,
to win the cup...
1357
01:30:02,565 --> 01:30:07,085
[sings] Alé... oh oh! Alé... oh oh!
1358
01:30:07,485 --> 01:30:09,725
[sings] Alé... oh oh!
1359
01:30:09,805 --> 01:30:11,965
- Whoever jumps for the blues!
- Ugo!
1360
01:30:12,045 --> 01:30:15,525
Huh? What is it? Are you starting to break up again?
1361
01:30:15,605 --> 01:30:18,005
But we haven't seen each other for years!
1362
01:30:18,085 --> 01:30:21,365
Who cares!
Don't you see what's happening?
1363
01:30:21,445 --> 01:30:26,005
Woman, in the kitchen! Onion omelette,
cold beer and free burp!
1364
01:30:26,085 --> 01:30:28,005
Go!
1365
01:30:28,565 --> 01:30:31,445
On who jumps for the blues!
1366
01:30:31,525 --> 01:30:34,605
[sings] Alé... oh oh!
1367
01:30:35,445 --> 01:30:36,725
Ouch!
1368
01:30:42,125 --> 01:30:45,885
This is truly it
one of the most beautiful moments...
1369
01:30:45,965 --> 01:30:48,605
Indeed, perhaps it is the most important
of my life!
1370
01:30:48,685 --> 01:30:51,805
Me, this game here,
I don't lose it even when I'm dead!
1371
01:30:53,645 --> 01:30:54,645
No...
1372
01:30:54,925 --> 01:30:56,045
No...
1373
01:30:56,245 --> 01:30:58,245
But right now?
1374
01:30:58,565 --> 01:30:59,925
No, please.
1375
01:31:02,805 --> 01:31:06,005
No! There's my match!
1376
01:31:07,245 --> 01:31:11,045
Pina, they won't let me watch the match,
did you understand?
1377
01:31:11,125 --> 01:31:14,205
Pina, aren't you listening to me?
1378
01:31:16,485 --> 01:31:20,405
Pina, what the fuck are you doing?
Will you turn off the game for me?
1379
01:31:21,285 --> 01:31:22,525
Pina, but...
1380
01:31:22,765 --> 01:31:25,725
can't you see me?
1381
01:31:25,845 --> 01:31:27,565
You don't see me.
1382
01:31:29,565 --> 01:31:31,045
He doesn't see me anymore.
1383
01:31:34,805 --> 01:31:36,165
[man] Bagarozzi!
1384
01:31:36,245 --> 01:31:39,925
Um, Fantozzi would be my name.
1385
01:31:43,605 --> 01:31:45,365
- [man] Tell me.
- Here you are.
1386
01:31:48,605 --> 01:31:51,285
[man] Seat 17. Please take a seat.
1387
01:31:51,365 --> 01:31:53,565
Thank you. What is the program here?
1388
01:31:54,125 --> 01:31:57,205
Here we are in contemplation
and you look at the great light.
1389
01:31:57,285 --> 01:31:58,725
The great light...
1390
01:31:58,805 --> 01:32:01,725
Then I'm going. Oh well...
1391
01:32:01,805 --> 01:32:03,765
[radio commentary]
1392
01:32:03,885 --> 01:32:05,405
Bagarozzi, tell me.
1393
01:32:05,845 --> 01:32:09,565
[radio]Here's Maldini, who proposes himself
on the left, receives a pass...
1394
01:32:09,685 --> 01:32:13,085
lengthens the stride, goes in depth,
look for space for the cross...
1395
01:32:13,165 --> 01:32:15,445
He finds it! Church...
[radio is turned off]
1396
01:32:16,005 --> 01:32:18,485
Then there is no hope for the match.
1397
01:32:20,325 --> 01:32:22,205
Make us look happy!
1398
01:32:30,085 --> 01:32:31,685
[woman] What serenity!
1399
01:32:34,605 --> 01:32:36,685
[man] How wonderful!
1400
01:32:38,165 --> 01:32:40,565
[woman 2] How beautiful!
1401
01:32:40,645 --> 01:32:42,925
- Permission...
- [woman 3] Sit down!
1402
01:32:43,005 --> 01:32:45,965
Now I too see the great light.
Sixteen...
1403
01:32:46,365 --> 01:32:48,445
Seventeen...
1404
01:32:49,445 --> 01:32:54,005
Here it is!
Now I too see the great light!
1405
01:32:56,125 --> 01:32:57,485
But here it is...
1406
01:32:57,565 --> 01:33:00,165
I don't see anything, I have the column!
1407
01:33:00,245 --> 01:33:04,605
Excuse me, can we change seats?
1408
01:33:05,885 --> 01:33:06,965
[Berlusconi] Silence!
1409
01:33:07,045 --> 01:33:08,405
Like silence?
1410
01:33:08,485 --> 01:33:10,045
Allow me... silence!
1411
01:33:10,605 --> 01:33:13,845
Has she come back?
Was there another turnaround?
1412
01:33:13,925 --> 01:33:16,125
First there was the one with...
1413
01:33:16,765 --> 01:33:20,045
- Isn't that one anymore?
- There's... damn.
1414
01:33:20,325 --> 01:33:24,045
But being me
a great communications expert,
1415
01:33:24,125 --> 01:33:26,405
the left allowed me
1416
01:33:26,485 --> 01:33:30,285
to carry out
a delicate supervisory task.
1417
01:33:31,805 --> 01:33:35,245
But he was reduced to being a mask!
1418
01:33:35,325 --> 01:33:38,805
No, I'm still my broadcaster!
1419
01:33:38,925 --> 01:33:42,445
So he always has his hands in the dough
everywhere, huh?
1420
01:33:42,525 --> 01:33:45,525
I have my saints in heaven, allow me.
1421
01:33:45,605 --> 01:33:46,685
Contemplate!
1422
01:33:47,245 --> 01:33:49,605
Here it is!
1423
01:33:49,965 --> 01:33:53,125
Finally... the great light!
1424
01:33:53,725 --> 01:33:55,485
The great light...
1425
01:33:55,565 --> 01:33:57,765
[advertising jingle]
1426
01:33:57,845 --> 01:34:01,045
They have interrupted the great light!
1427
01:34:01,125 --> 01:34:04,805
It's just a short one
commercial break for us.
1428
01:34:04,885 --> 01:34:09,045
That's better!
So it's only 62 seconds long, huh?
1429
01:34:09,125 --> 01:34:12,325
No, for all eternity!
1430
01:34:12,405 --> 01:34:17,165
[advertising] ...on the useful pages!
Or call the toll-free number...
1431
01:34:17,245 --> 01:34:20,125
How blessed I am!
1432
01:34:20,205 --> 01:34:23,125
[advertising]
Your future is in safe hands!